


The Sound of his Voice

by JudyOct98



Series: Heart's Afire [1]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:33:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 34,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22409515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JudyOct98/pseuds/JudyOct98
Summary: If you have not read, "Roses Are Red..." before this, please do, since this is a continuation off of that story.
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Series: Heart's Afire [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1596457
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24





	The Sound of his Voice

Rating: NC-17 -if you’re under 18, stop now. 

The Sound of His Voice  
By J.A. Greene

Two Together!  
Winds blow south or winds blow north.  
Day come white or night come black.  
Home or river and mountains from home,  
While we two keep together.

-Walt Whitman 

That very same morning Kathryn and Chakotay went to duty, the crew, especially Tom, noticed the change in the command team's relationship. The captain was smiling more and Chakotay was as well. They were still professional, but there was a relaxed state between them. They were acting closer than they ever had before, he liked it. 

Harry noticed as well, which caused him to smile even more. 

Tom announced, "Captain, we've entered the next sector." 

"Thank you, Tom," Kathryn replied. "Harry start scanning for any anomalies." 

“Yes, ma'am," he said. 

Kathryn then said, "bridge to astrometrics." 

"Yes, Captain?" Seven answered. 

“We've just entered a new sector," she began. 

"I have already begun," Seven replied, "scanning ahead for any anomalies or hostile aliens." 

Kathryn smiled glancing at Chakotay, "thank you Seven. Keep me posted, bridge out," she sat back and glanced at him again. He was inputting into the command display, but smiled at her nonetheless. 

While in her ready room that day, Kathryn planned a romantic evening for them. Her body still hungered for his, but she forced the feeling in the back of her head. She had a new nightgown made up for her and sent to her quarters through the replicator. 

Although he was working a few hours into Gamma shift, it would give her time to prepare. This was their regular dinner meeting night, but at this moment she wasn't interested, but didn't let him know it. 

She left the bridge to him shortly after Alpha shift ended, told him she'd see him at the crew briefings. 

=/\=

Once back in her quarters, she prepared a simple, but light meal for them. She also took a scented bath, anxiously awaiting his arrival. 

When Chakotay relieved the bridge to Tuvok for the rest of Gamma and Beta shifts, he took the two crew reports with him, just in case she really wanted to discuss them. But he didn't think she wanted to, since he knew her so well. He stopped outside her door and rang her chime, she answered and the doors slid open. He stepped in finding the lights and the table set with candles lit in the center. He looked around finding her nowhere. "Kathryn?" 

"Your late," she said from across the room. He turned finding her dressed in a silk deep red, short nightgown with thin straps, dropped neckline and some beading on the front. He thought she looked beautiful, “are you hungry?” 

He felt himself blush slightly, "is that a trick question?" 

She shrugged walking seductively over to him, her voice was deep, and he felt his body react. 

"That's up to you," she stood in front of him. 

He thought he was going to pass out if he didn't breathe soon. He sighed, "your so beautiful Kathryn." 

She saw the padd’s in his hand, she took them and stepped closer to him, "I think you're a bit overdressed Chakotay." 

He then pulled her into his arms, her softness pressed against him and the silk was cool under his hands. His heart rate picked up, he saw the desire in her eyes, he was already hard and she could feel it. She pressed her hips tighter to his, he groaned, "we could remedy that -" she nodded wrapping her arms around his neck. "What about the reports?" 

She kissed him softly, he responded as she took them. Her breath was warm, her whole body was warm. She whispered, "I think they could wait. Don't you?" She tossed them over onto her desk. 

He smiled at her, "if you say so," and kissed her deeply and passionately. She responded back, their passion burned through them. They were gasping and she slid her hands down his uniform, unzipping it and helping him remove it. He shrugged out of it as she pulled his shirt out of his trousers and he pulled it over his head. They kissed again and he slid his hands down the silk of the gown to her legs, she groaned when his soft, warm hands came in contact with her skin. He slid his hands beneath finding her bare and that aroused him even more. "Kathryn," he whispered passionately. His hands caressed her, he found her womanhood and discovered she was ready for him. 

"Chakotay," she groaned clinging to him, she slid a leg up around his hip. His fingers gently probed her, pressing his fingers up against her bud of nerves. Her body shuddered and she groaned, "make love to me please. I've wanted you all day." 

He kissed her face and throat as she clung to him, "so have I," he moaned and she lifted herself up wrapping both her legs around his waist. He began to walk them into her bedroom, but her hand had unfastened his trousers, she was caressing him and he thought he was going to explode. He angled them away from the doorway and stepped over to the small bare wall on the left side of the doorway. 

He pressed her up against it, supporting her lower back, they kissed passionately again, her feet pushed his trousers and boxer shorts down his hips, releasing him. 

She felt his hardness pressed against her womanhood and she cried out when he joined them deeply with one motion. He moved his hips against hers, she moaned tilting her head back as he kissed her throat. She matched her hips with his, moving them downward, “I love you!" she whispered. 

"I love you," he groaned moving up against her. He moved deeper and harder against her, her body thumped against the wall. 

She groaned, her arms wrapped him tighter against her, her body shuddering deeply. The ache was building inside her, growing stronger. She tried not to scream, they were right next to the corridor, what if someone walking by heard her? She couldn't stand to be talked about like that on the ship's rumor mill. "Harder!" she told him and he did, she moaned kissing his face and gently bit into his shoulder to silence her screams. 

He couldn't stop, his hips moving harder and faster against hers. Both were very close, he could feel it. He groaned when she bit into his shoulder, she slid her arms over her head arching her back, he held them up kissing her face and throat, moving even harder now. "Oh god, Kathryn!" There was something so sexy about her wearing nothing but a short, silk nightgown and him naked. 

She felt her body shudder again violently, she cried out, the ache was building to such an extreme she thought she were going to explode. She kissed him passionately clinging to him and suddenly felt as if her entire body burst into flames as her body shuddered against his, her muscles clenching him tightly. She cried out against his mouth, he held her face in his hands. 

The moment her body clenched around his, he felt his shudder as he spilled his life into her. He groaned burying his face against her neck and hair. They gasped as he stood there, she still clinging to him. After a moment he gazed at her, she stared at him stroking his face. He kissed her gently, she responded as he stroked her hair. He whispered, “you're so beautiful." 

She sighed, "I love you Chakotay." 

"I love you," he replied, she began to lower her legs, he then cradled her against him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, he managed to walk them into her bedroom with his trousers around his knees. He lowered her to the bed, she pulled herself onto it watching him remove the rest of his clothes and boots. He joined her on the bed as she curled into his arms. They lay quietly as he stroked her back, he sighed, “I must say, I expected something tonight, but not making love against a wall." 

She moaned stroking his chest, "actually neither did I." She propped herself up on his chest staring at him, "I just wanted to plan something. But for some reason," she traced his tattoo delicately, "the moment I saw you I couldn't help myself." 

He smiled gently at her and kissed her tenderly, then gazed at her, "Kathryn, tomorrow I'm scheduled for my yearly physical," he stopped for a moment thinking. She was now tracing his eyebrow, "I was curious if I should get a booster, so you wouldn't have to ask the Doctor for one." 

She stared at him, somewhat shocked he brought up the idea of preventing her chances of getting pregnant. She knew she couldn't take the risk, since their affair was on an off-duty basis. Getting pregnant would complicate things while commanding. She sighed, "your right, the Doctor would get suspicious." He ran his hand up into her hair gently, "but not you." She glanced down, "how can I ruin my celibate image?" 

"They'll eventually find out," he said gently. "Kathryn, there's nothing wrong with Voyager's captain having an intimate relationship. Especially if it's with someone that she loves and he loves her back." 

She nodded, "I know. But I'd like to keep us quiet for right now." 

"I understand," he said, then smiled. "Of course I think keeping you quiet will be kind of difficult." 

She raised her eyebrow, "Chakotay! I can't help myself, you just affect me that way." 

He slid his hand down to her buttocks gently and caressed, she shivered against him when he slid his hand beneath the gown stroking her. She gasped, "you were actually kinda quiet this time, although my shoulder took a beating." 

"I'm sorry," she said, "but I couldn't take the chance to let someone outside hear me. We were right there," he had slid the gown up and over her hips, still caressing her. Her body was growing warm for him again, she kissed him softly, he responded, he pulled the gown over her head tossing it to the floor. He rolled her over onto her back kissing her throat, sliding his hands up and cupping her breasts. She groaned as the pleasure swam through her, she sighed, "if we keep this up, I don't think we'll get those reports done." 

He kissed her deeply, their tongues meshing lovingly. "Do you really care?" he asked passionately. 

She shook her head as he slowly kissed down her, taking a hard, risen bud into his mouth. She held his head arching her back, “no, not really." Her body shuddered slightly, she moaned, "I love you so much." 

“I love you," he whispered kissing lower, stroking her sides. She was beautiful, his love and passion for her overwhelmed him. Now that they had come to this stage in their relationship, he couldn't seem to get enough of her, making love to her was almost spiritual for him, just like a vision quest. He kissed lower, his hand found her arousal, which was already warm and damp for him. He began to caress her gently, sliding two fingers within her, she cried out softly. "Your so beautiful, my love," her hips moved to his hand as he explored her, pressing up against her small bud of nerves. 

She ran her hands through his hair gently, arching more to him. He had withdrew his fingers and kissed lower, placing his mouth on her. She groaned, her legs opened to him more, admitting him. Her body shuddered again, deeper and more intense as the ache began to build. He was exploring her slowly, then deeply, she cried out again. "Oh my god!" She gripped the bedcovers beneath her as he continued it seemed for several minutes. "Cha-k-otay! Now, please!" she pleaded. 

She was so ready for him, he was growing more aroused by her cries, but he couldn't wait much longer himself, he slid up against her kissing her deeply. She wrapped her legs around his hips, sliding her hands up his back. He pressed himself against her and positioned himself. She held his hips and they gazed at each other, he joined them deeply, she cried out in the pleasure.

He began to move against her slowly, lifting her hips against his more. They kissed again deeply, tenderly as she clung to him. 

Since their earlier lovemaking was quick and passionate, they wanted to take their time now. Savor each other completely. She rolled over onto him, moving her hips downward, sitting up. He closed his eyes feeling her body clench and relax around him, pressing him deeper into her. He groaned feeling his body shudder, she moaned in synch with him. They were so in tune with each other, could read each other, their connection not just out of respect, admiration and friendship, but of love, and a deep and powerful love that they could feel each other anywhere. 

He reached up stroking her breasts, thumbing her buds to peaks still. "Oh, I love you!" she whispered, he sat up kissing her neck and throat. She slid up closer to him, pressing him deeper, he held her hips. 

"You're so beautiful," he moaned softly and took a bud in his mouth. She wrapped her arms around him, kissing his shoulder and neck. They rocked gently, the ache building slowly, deeply. He took her face in his hands staring at her, her breath coming in short gasps, "can you feel it Kathryn? Feel us as one? Always and forever like this?" 

She nodded pressing him against her bud, "yes...oh yes. I can't believe we've waited so long...for this." 

“It wasn't...” he groaned feeling his body shudder again. “Our time yet, my love. We should thank Neelix-" 

She couldn't help but laugh, deep and throaty, “why?” 

He smiled kissing her, "the roses?" 

Her body shuddered deeply again, "oh yes, the roses! Oh god Chakotay! Don't stop!" 

He lowered her back down to the bed beginning to move harder now, she began to moan loudly, wrapping her legs higher around his waist allowing him to fill her completely. They kissed deeply again, their tongues meshing in unison, drinking each other in. He began to move faster, feeling himself growing closer, she was as well. She clung to him tightly beginning to scream, he stroked her in the right spot, the one she enjoyed. He buried his face in her neck and hair, her cries filling his soul. 

The ache was too much, she was going to explode as she moved her hips with his, he was moving harder now, pounding into her with such force she kept screaming. At this moment she didn't care if anyone heard her outside, the pleasure was exquisite and she loved him so much. Suddenly the ache burst, spreading through her lower body, she arched her back gripping him tightly, her cry filling him. 

He felt her muscles clench him tightly as he felt his own release, he cried out embracing her, spilling into her. They were gasping as he collapsed against her, their heartbeats beginning to slow.

"My Kathryn!" he gasped, she kissed his shoulder gently. He then gazed at her in the low light, "I love you."

“I love you," she breathed, he kissed her gently. She held him and he lay beside her, their legs still entwined. Then he kissed her face gently, burying his face in her hair as she stroked his back. They lay in the silence letting their breathing calm, after a moment she sighed, "Chakotay?"

"Yes, my love," he asked her, his eyes closed. 

"I really hate to say this," she said slowly, he opened his eyes. "But we should really tend to those reports now." 

"Oh, Kathryn," he groaned holding her, smelling her. 

She smiled, "I know, but it has to be done. And, I'm hungry, aren't you?" 

He sighed and kissed the tip of her shoulder, "actually I am." He gazed at her, "let's go, but I've enjoyed pleasure before business tonight." She touched his chin and he kissed her gently. 

She responded, then pulled away, "Chakotay, come on," she sat up brushing her hair out of her face. He stood up walking around her bed and picked up his uniform trousers, folding them neatly and putting them on a nearby chair. She was up and pulled the gown over her again, he pulled on his boxer shorts. 

He turned to her, "Kathryn?" she looked at him, tucking her hair behind her ear. "Don't ever wear anything under your nightgowns." She blushed, he smiled walking over to her, taking her face in his hands. "It turned me on and I love you for doing that my love." 

She smiled up at him, "I promise," and he kissed her nose. They headed out to her living area to tend to ship's business. 

A couple of hours later they sat together on the sofa, with her curled against him and his arm around her. They were covered in her blanket and read the padd’s he brought reviewing the crew reports. During this they ate some fruit she ordered from the replicator. 

She sighed lowering the padd, "I never realized lovemaking could make you so hungry." 

He smiled stroking her face, "long as we eat afterwards. The last thing we want is the Doctor to discover how we lose weight." 

"I could stand to lose some," she said absently. 

He pulled her against him, "don't you dare, I think your perfect Kathryn. You’re beautiful, you don't need to lose any weight." 

She tilted her head up glancing at him, "really?" 

He gazed at her with a nod, "really," and kissed her gently. Then he looked at her, "I love you." 

"I love you," she replied softly and snuggled closer to him. She was happier than she ever had been before, she never wanted it to end. After several moments she groaned, "well, these are done," and tossed her padd on the coffee table. He put his down, wanting nothing to do but hold her. "Chakotay, should you spend the night?" 

He shrugged with a sigh, "that's up to you. I wasn't seen entering, but if you're worried what the crew might think -" 

She sighed, "I'd love you to, it's nice waking up with someone again."

"Yes it is," he agreed and thought about his marriage proposal. He knew if they were married, they wouldn't have this problem. He wanted to talk about it with her, but hesitated for a moment, then dashed that away. It had to be discussed, she wasn't going to act like he'd never asked. "Kathryn -?" she moaned softly, "about my marriage proposal -" 

Kathryn began to sit up, the mood broken, "-Chakotay -" 

She had thrown the blanket off them and had moved away from him, faster than he thought she would. He quickly reached out for her, grabbing her gently by the shoulders, "Kathryn! Wait a minute -" he pulled her back and against him. "Listen to me -" 

His voice, it was so soft, so loving, she loved hearing him speak to her this way. Tears formed in her eyes, she whispered, "Chakotay -" 

"Kathryn being married would work for us,” he told her gently, stroking her face. "I wouldn't have to worry for one thing about seen entering your quarters at odd hours. And, when you’re screaming in pleasure, and someone hears you, it'll be okay. They'll know you're with me and they'll accept us being married. Don't you understand, if you're happy, they'll be happy."

She sat there quietly in thought, he was caressing her neck and shoulders. She shivered feeling her body begin to warm again, she squeezed her leg muscles together to stop the feeling growing in her lower body. "That's no reason to get married, Chakotay. Crew morale is important, yes, but that shouldn't be the only reason." 

"Your right," he said gently, "our love should be the only reason."

"Chakotay," she replied, "I can't make a decision based upon just that. I have more to consider than just that." 

He wrapped his arms around her gently, he kissed her shoulder with a sigh, "I think we’ve taken two steps forward and then another back just now." 

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her hands covered his. She turned into his arms, the gown slid up her, exposing her bare hip, he noticed and reacted. She took his face in her hands, “I’ll understand if the relationship ends here." 

He shook his head, "oh no Kathryn, you can't get rid of me. I'll never leave you, I'll always be by your side," his voice grew deeper, "I love you," tears filled her eyes, he wiped them away and he kissed her gently. She responded pressing her body up against his, she felt him harden against her stomach. He gazed at her lovingly, "I just want to complete our happiness, that's all." 

"I'd love nothing more," she said, "but I need you to be patient Chakotay. At least for awhile longer please." She kissed him again deeply, wanting him. He slid his hands down her and caressed her buttocks over the nightgown, then lower to touch her flesh. She shifted against him, allowing his hands to touch between and she gasped. She whispered, "perhaps you should keep a few uniforms here. In case of emergency.” 

She was damp and warm for him, he wanted her again. He continued to caress her gently, he sat up lifting her against him, she straddled him, he groaned, "I think that's an excellent idea, my love.” They kissed deeply and passionately again, he could feel her warm and wet arousal pressed against his hardness, through his shorts. He groaned holding her tightly, her hips moved against his, urging him. "Come on," he whispered and she nodded standing, he did as well. They stared at each other, he touched her face, “you are so beautiful Kathryn." 

She reached up kissing him, wrapping her arms around his neck. He lifted her into his arms, "make love to me Chakotay." 

He nodded, "oh yes, my love. You can count on that," and kissed her gently again walking back into her bedroom.

The next few days Kathryn and Chakotay worked together as usual on their duty shifts. They spent time together having a coffee break in her ready room or an occasional lunch. The crew saw them together more, she was smiling and glowing, they were happy for her. 

Their evenings were divided between long talks or making love, sometimes both. Her cries of pleasure were heard occasionally outside her quarters, but no one said a thing, many who witnessed this approved of whom she had decided to spend her evenings with. They belonged together and it was obvious they were deeply in love. But since Chakotay was closer to the crew, they didn't gossip about him and the Captain, except smile at him and do as ordered when told. 

One evening after dinner they sat soaking in her bathtub together. He reluctantly joined her after she coaxed him to. She didn't put any of her regular bath oil to the water, except regular bubble bath, which filled the tub to the rim. She had let him undress her and she clipped her hair up behind her. He got in first and she joined him sinking against him, he wrapped his arms around her. 

They sat in the warm water quietly, he kissed the side of her face gently. "I now understand why you enjoy this so much. It is very soothing." 

She smiled tilted back her head closing her eyes, she moaned, "oh, I've spent a lot of time in here distressing after a mission. It's helped after the Kazon, Malon, the Borg and the Hirogen." 

He began caressing her arms beneath the water, pulling them away creating a soft whirlpool effect against her. She moaned softly, "but it's even better with you." 

He kissed her face gently, "I agree," and she turned on her side gazing up at him. He kissed her again, she responded, opening her mouth to his, their tongues meshing gently. His arms encircled her wet form, finding her buds hard. He cupped her breasts, stroking them, she groaned against his mouth. He continued to caress her slick body, becoming aroused. 

Kathryn felt her body warm to his caresses, her baths had never been this erotic. She sighed letting him caress her under the water. The moment his hand found her juncture, she pulled away from him, gazing at him seductively from the other side, "I really wish this tub were bigger, don't you?" 

Chakotay stared at her, seeing the desire in her eyes. He understood what she was telling him, she had rested against the other side, placing her arms on each side of the tub, and slowly her knee emerged through the top of the bubbles. He couldn't believe she was so seductive, he'd seen her only like this during various diplomacy tactics, but it was only a hint. Here she was completely letting it all show, he loved her beyond all reasoning. So he quickly moved across to her, facing her, her legs wrapped around his hips. They stared at each other in the rising steam from the water, he kissed her deeply drawing her up against him, and the buoyancy of the water lifted her against him. She responded wrapping her body against him, after several minutes he gazed at her, "ever make love in a bathtub Kathryn?" 

She caressed him gently, exploring him, finding him quite hard. He groaned as she slid her hand along his length, she kissed him deeply as she continued, "never," and adjusted herself so he was directly placed against her. "I'm willing to give it a try however." 

"We're going to make a mess," he told her, referring to the water.

She shook her head, "I don't care, and I have plenty of towels." They kissed deeply again, and she cried out when he slowly joined them, she was ready for him only slightly, the water providing some ease. 

He felt her stiffen, so he lifted her hips to his and eased himself into her slowly and gently. She clutched him tightly gasping, he wasn't sure if this was a good idea, he didn't want to hurt her. He moved his hips slowly against hers, almost withdrawing, then together again, she groaned. He knew when she was experiencing pleasure, but this wasn't what she was feeling. He stopped gazing at her, "I'm hurting you Kathryn -" 

She gazed at him taking his face in her hands, “just a little, but its okay." 

He shook his head, “no, it isn't. The last thing I want you doing is walking funny on the bridge. I want you, but I also want you comfortable, not having any pain." He withdrew from her slowly, he pulled away and stood up slowly, the water running down him. She stared up at him, loving the sight of him, he was magnificent. He held out his hand, she took it and he pulled her up to him. He then stepped out slowly, and then he helped her. Soon as she stood on the small rug beside the tub, he grabbed a white, fluffy, towel and proceeded to dry her off. 

She stood there, becoming more aroused as he toweled her breasts, stomach and lower. She stroked his sides and chest as he did, keeping him aroused as well. When he was done, she took the towel beginning to dry him as well. He was satisfied still being slightly wet, he dropped the towel and lifted her into his arms kissing her deeply. The air in her quarters was cooler than the bath water, but soon they'd be warmed by their passion. 

He entered the bedroom and walked over to her bed, placing her against the pillows. She opened her arms to him, he joined her lying against her and kissing her deeply. She slid her hands up his still wet back, caressing him. "I love you," she whispered as he began to kiss her face, stroking her sides. 

"I love you," he replied tenderly and rolled her over onto him. He caressed her buttocks, her hips and curves of her breasts. Her legs slid around his hips, he continued to caress her, touching the soft curls of her womanhood. She gasped kissing him again, he then rolled over against her cupping her breasts and taking a hard bud in his mouth. He began to savor it gently, she sighed in the pleasure running her hands through his hair. "Kathryn you're so beautiful!" 

"Oh Chakotay," she breathed and he kissed her again deeply. His hands continued to caress her, and reached her juncture. She opened her legs to him, and he slid two fingers into her gently, she cried out against his mouth, her hips arching to him. He probed her deeply and gently, her body welcomed him, becoming moist and hot. He felt her shudder against him, and he kissed her throat as she tilted back her head clinging to him. He continued to probe her, drawing her closer to her release. She cried out softly again, he kissed down taking a bud in his mouth again and continued to savor each gently. Soon he couldn't wait any longer, her hips were arching to him, moving against his hand. 

"Your so beautiful," he groaned and removed his hand and he slid between her legs positioning himself at her juncture. He kissed her again and joined them at the same time deeply, she cried out clinging to him. He began to move against her slowly, working up to an even rhythm, her hips rising to greet his. 

"Don't stop," she groaned and he began to move his hips in circles, stroking her in the spot she enjoyed. She began to moan loudly, clutching him tightly. He felt so good, her body shuddered again and she wrapped her legs higher around his waist as he went deeper and harder into her. She began to scream again, as he continued to move even harder into her, her release very close now. 

The passion filled him as she arched herself against him, her screams keeping him aroused. He buried his face in her neck and hair, she clutched his back as he pounded himself into her, her nails digging into him. His release was close, her muscles were gripping him tightly. 

"Oh Kathryn!" he groaned, "I love you so much," he took her hands and they clenched them together, he raised them above her head moving faster now. They stared at each other and she felt her release come, spreading throughout her entire body. She gasped and he kissed her quiet as she cried out against his mouth. She moaned softly as her body continued to shudder, her arms slid around his back and he continued to move against her his release near. When it came, he groaned still kissing her as his life spilled into her and his hips slowed. They gasped and he held her kissing her face and eyes gently. 

They gazed at each other, she smiled tracing his face, touching the dimple on his chin. "Oh my!" she whispered desirably. "I think it gets better each time." 

He smiled tenderly at her, "I think so to, my love." 

She sighed, "do you think it'll get any better?" 

He nodded, "oh yes, I do." He lay beside her pulling her into his arms. Then he managed to pull her comforter and sheet over them as they held each other in the warmth. 

She said softly, "I never knew love could be this powerful." 

He stroked her back and hair, “that's because we're one spirit Kathryn." 

She gazed at him, cupping the side of his face in her hand, "I know." He kissed her hand, "I feel so complete with you Chakotay. Here and on the bridge. I love you so much." 

"I love you Kathryn," he told her softly. "My heart, my soul and my life is yours, forever." 

She embraced him as he held her gently. Her eyes began to close and she began to sleep. He continued to hold her waiting for sleep to find him as well, since both had to be on duty early the next morning. Her breathing grew quieter and deeper as she slipped into a deep sleep. He kissed the top of her head tenderly, "goodnight, my love," and soon fell asleep himself. 

The following week, the senior staff switched to Gamma shift. The ship traveled at warp six through this quiet sector of space. Kathryn was also a bit cranky since her monthly cycle showed up a couple of days before. Chakotay was wonderful with her when he found out. He knew her cycles by that point, since through the years her slight mood changes were apparent. She drank more coffee during this time, but he convinced her to try a special herbal tea to ease her mood swings, cramps and coffee intake. 

She tried it and found it helped, and on the nights she allowed him to stay, he held her gently. 

During mid-shift one day that week, all were on the bridge. Suddenly out of the quiet, Harry's sensor's admitted a faint beep. She heard craning her head in his direction, "Harry?" 

He keyed a few commands, then, "not sure Captain. But sensors are detecting some faint gravimetric distortions." 

"Source?" 

"None yet," he replied. 

"Keep an eye on it," she told him and looked at the screen. 

Chakotay glanced over at her, "something wrong?" he asked her quietly. 

She gazed at him, and then sighed, "something isn't right -" 

"-What do you mean?" 

She sighed with a shrug, "I don't know, just something." 

"Yellow alert?" he asked her slightly teasing. 

She glared at him, the color rising in her face, "do you mind?" She asked in a harsh whisper. 

He grinned back at her, his eyes twinkling and she glanced away escaping the look. Although their affair was off duty, sometimes he still managed to get to her. "Wipe that grin off your face." 

Tom overheard the whole thing, he grinned broadly, and happy they couldn't see his face. 

Sometimes the command teams passion and love for each other came through on duty, no matter how much the captain fought it. The whole ship was happy for the two, and he was getting rich on replicator rations each week as it progressed. His current betting pool dealt with how long it'd take Chakotay to ask her to marry him, it was coming, and he knew it. 

The next day, she sat in her ready room going over various reports and inputting the data on her console. Her door chime chirped, "come in," she said and gazed up watching Chakotay enter, she kept all business. “Commander, what can I do for you?" 

He handed her a padd, "Harry's updated ops report." 

She took it from him, “anymore readings of those gravimetric distortions?"

“Faint," he replied, "but nothing to worry over. Wherever they're coming from, it's got to be at least three light years away." 

"Well, if it's ahead of us," she said, "I'd feel safer if we alter course." 

He nodded and sat down in front of her desk, she had diverted her attention back to the console, "Kathryn?" She glanced over at him, "do you have any evening plans?" 

She smirked at him, "actually I really hadn't thought about it," she stood up. She walked around and as she passed him, gently ran a fingertip over his shoulder. He reached out to take her hand, but she snatched it away quickly and continued heading up to the replicator. He stood up with a smile, "coffee," she told the replicator and the cup appeared on the base. He had quietly walked up behind her and slid his arms around her waist as she took a sip. She sighed feeling him, "Chakotay, you promised. Not on duty." 

“I know," he replied placing a kiss on the back of her neck. "What's wrong with just holding the woman I love? Even if it's just for a few minutes."

She smiled softly and reached up behind her stroking his face, he kissed her hand. "Then its okay," she told him sinking against him. They stood that way for several minutes quietly as she continued to drink her coffee. He held her tighter and whispered in her ear, “I love you." 

"I love you," she replied and put her empty cup back on the replicator. She turned in his arms staring up at him. "Thank you Chakotay –” 

“For what?" 

She touched his face, "for being so patient with me. I know this isn't easy for you." 

“Kathryn," he said softly, "it's okay. We're together, that's what matters." She smiled at him and he kissed her gently stroking her jaw. She responded and he looked at her, “my love for you will never end, but grow much deeper with each passing day." 

"Oh Chakotay," she whispered softly and kissed him. 

Suddenly the ship rolled to port tossing them to the deck, and the ship rumbled beneath them. He went down with her, holding her protectively. 

"What the hell's going on?" she demanded above the wail of alarms surrounding them. She forced herself out from his arms as both struggled to stand. 

"Captain Janeway to the bridge," Tuvok said over the comm. 

"On my way!" she called pulling herself up with the help of the railing as the ship continued to shudder beneath and around them. Chakotay followed her out as she balanced herself walking into the bridge, "report!" 

His calm, even voice heard above the chaos said, "apparently the ship was hit by a gravimetric wave about one light year away, level 6.5," replied Tuvok. "More are on the way." 

"A light year!" she repeated making it to her chair. "Those same gravimetric distortions from yesterday? What's causing them?" 

"Still unknown," Tuvok replied. 

“Raise shields to full," she ordered. 

"The wave depleted our power by," Tuvok replied, "twenty percent. Another could disable or destroy us." 

Kathryn glanced over at Chakotay who was inputting into the command display, he glanced over at her quickly. "Tom can we outrun the next one?" he asked for her, already reading her thoughts. 

"Negative, commander," Tom replied, "our warp field collapsed on the first wave. Warp engines are off-line.” 

“Evasive maneuvers," she ordered. 

"I'll try," he said, the ship was already beginning to vibrate with the next oncoming wave. 

"But it won't be enough."

“Two seconds to impact," Tuvok informed her. 

"All hands," she said tapping a shipwide channel. "Brace for impact!" She gripped her armrests just as the ship rolled to starboard this time. The power began to flicker and the lights went out. 

A moment later the lights flickered again, power returning, but minimally. "Backups coming on," Harry reported. "But there's another wave on the way." 

Kathryn groaned, this was the first time her ship and crew had encountered an anomaly this powerful since being in the Delta Quadrant. "Ship's power is down forty-five percent," Tuvok reported as well. 

She sighed, "bridge to Torres." 

"Yes, Captain?" she replied. 

"We need enough power," Kathryn told her, "to outrun that next wave.” 

"Working on it now," B'Elanna replied. "I'm going to try boosting the engines with what power they have left to give you enough to move. But," she sighed, “these waves are apparently draining all our energy reserves. If we don't move soon, they'll tear us apart." 

"Are you ready Tom?" Kathryn asked. 

"Just say when," he replied. 

"Go ahead," B'Elanna said, over the comm. "It's the best I can do.” 

Tom began tapping his console, "here we go," and the ship vibrated in protest as he maneuvered the ship out of the wave front. The next wave passed, brushing the hull and the ship shook, but there was no power drain this time. 

"We're safe now," Harry said, "although the waves are still continuing. We're out of their way, for now." 

She stood up, "I want a complete damage report," she ordered looking around while brushing her hair out of her face. “Harry keep investigating where those waves are coming from, I'll be in astrometrics, you have the bridge commander," and she walked out.

=/\=

Several minutes later Kathryn stood beside Seven in astrometrics as Seven analyzed data coming in from the long-range sensors. "It appears the gravimetric waves are being caused by hundreds of proto-stars collapsing within proximity of each other." 

"‛Proto-stars'?" Kathryn repeated, her mind working as Seven glanced at her. "A black cluster? If I recall correctly, back in 2368, the Enterprise-D encountered the same thing while investigating the disappearance of the Vico. It almost tore them apart..." she paused, "the same thing happened to the Vico. We've got to get out of here." 

"That will not," Seven told her, "be the case with our power reserves down and warp core off-line." 

"Optimism Seven," Kathryn told her. 

“Bridge to Captain Janeway," Chakotay's voice said over the comm. 

“Go ahead, commander," she said. 

"Please report to the bridge," he replied. 

"On my way,” she said walking out. 

=/\=

Once she arrived on the bridge, she stepped down to the command level, “yes, commander?" 

He was standing with a padd and turned to her, the power was still down, the bridge was lit, but dim and it seemed to be growing darker, "damage reports have just come in. It's not good," she took the padd from him reading. "The waves drained most of our energy reserves, including the deuterium tanks." 

She glanced up at him, "we just got our deuterium filled almost a month ago."

He nodded with a sigh, "that's not all. B'Elanna just reported the warp coils are burnt out," she put her hand on her hip with a frown. “Because of that, the warp engines will be off-line indefinitely because we're low on verillium as well. We'll only have impulse as propulsion." 

She shook her head, “just when I thought I was having a good day," he smiled gently at her. She sighed, "alright, call a staff meeting, I want a full detailed damage report and suggestions to our problems. I'll be in my ready room." 

=/\=

An hour later the entire senior staff met in the briefing room located on the starboard side of the bridge. Kathryn sat at her usual spot located at the head of the table, and Chakotay sat in his rightful place, on her right side. 

"The protostars are expanding," Seven said. 

“I've also picked up more wave fronts," Harry added. "These are stronger as well, from what the sensors detect." 

“In our direction?" she asked him. 

"Looks that way," he replied, "and if we don't have warp soon -" 

She nodded, "point well taken Harry," she folded her hands glancing around at her officers and friends. "Suggestions?" 

"Is there any hope," Neelix asked, "of any engines at all?" 

"Not without polyfananide," B'Elanna replied, "to rebuild those coils."

"Come on," Kathryn said firmly, "we've been in worse situations before," and stopped herself. She smirked, “well, not as bad as this. Get creative." 

Neelix glanced around the table, "the only thing I could think of Captain is sending the Flyer out to gather what we need." 

She stared at him, "that sounds like the only thing we could do, thank you Neelix." She looked at Harry, "Harry did sensors pick up any nearby planets with the resources that we need?" 

He sighed, "before that first wave front hit, the long range sensors picked up a Class-L about 10 light years away. There might be some polyfarranide and verillium there, but I'm not sure about deuterium." 

She steepled her hands pressing the tips to her mouth, then sighed, "ten years is a long hike to send an away team while the ship is disabled. I don't like the idea of sending some of you out there in case something happens, we won't be able to mount a rescue until the engines are online." 

"That is a fact to consider," Tuvok added. "But considering our current situation, it appears we have no choice." 

"So we're stuck between," Tom quipped, “a rock and a hard place." Everyone glanced over at him puzzled, he shrugged, "a twentieth century metaphor, meaning we can't move without the supplies and if we do, there’s no way to get to them." 

"Eloquent," Tuvok surmised, "but logical." 

Kathryn sat thinking for a moment, then glanced over at B'Elanna, "B'Elanna if we got full power restored, will we be able to make full impulse?" 

She nodded, “yes, in about 12 hours." 

Kathryn nodded, "okay then, that's the plan. Seven and Tom, with Commander Chakotay, will take the Flyer out to that planet in the next six hours." She glanced at Chakotay, "stock the Flyer up for a 72-hour mission in case we can't rendezvous with you in the morning." 

He nodded, "yes, ma'am." 

"Dismissed," she told them and everyone stood up with her starting to leave, except Chakotay who waited until they were alone. He walked over beside her where she stood by one of the large windows gazing out. "Be careful," she told him. 

He touched her arm gently, she turned to him, "I will." He drew her into his arms gently, she slid hers around his waist and he kissed her gently. She responded and then they embraced, she fit right against him perfectly. "I love you Kathryn." 

"I love you," she said.

He stroked her back and then looked at her, "I'd better help B'Elanna down in engineering while the Flyer is prepared." 

"Of course," she said with a nod and he smiled at her pulling away and walked out of the room. She stood with her arms folded across her chest staring out of the window. 

=/\=

On the upper level of the engineering room in B'Elanna's small alcove where the main engineering panel was, Chakotay gathered some tools from her locker while B'Elanna worked at the panel preparing to shut down unnecessary systems to conserve what energy they had left. 

When he was within earshot, she said softly, "well, the Captain has been in a good mood these past few weeks," he glanced over at her. She smiled, “you wouldn't have anything to do with that, would you?" 

"Maybe," he said standing and walking over to the console inputting some data.

She nudged him gently, “c'mon Chakotay, spill it!" She glanced around looking for anyone else within earshot, there was no one. She said in a hushed tone, “you can trust me."

He sighed, and then turned to her saying softly, “let's just say we’ve gotten quite close since the exchange ended."

She leaned against the console folding her arms across her chest, a familiar gesture with her. "And, how was that done?" He glanced at her, "Chakotay there have been rumors -" 

He sighed turning and leaned beside her, "okay, if you really must know. Shortly before the party we admitted how we felt about each other. And, afterwards we acted on it," B'Elanna smiled with a shake of her head. "B'Ella we're very happy-" 

"-I can tell," she said simply with a smirk. “I'm very happy for you Chakotay, truly. It's about time both of you showed how much you love each other." He nodded, she studied him noticing a sadness in his dark eyes. Gently, she said, "there's something bothering you though." 

He sighed not saying anything, then said, "that same night...while we were making love I asked her to marry me." B'Elanna straightened in shock looking at him. Tom would be quite disappointed the moment had come and gone before he knew it. But, it happened in a very private moment, not to be discussed among the crew. 

"What did she say?" she asked quietly.

He shrugged, "she was speechless," then couldn't help the smile that formed. He sighed, “but it wasn't because of that -" 

"-Chakotay!" she said, actually embarrassed he admitted that sort of thing to her. But she was impressed nonetheless. She sighed, "well, what about afterwards?" 

"She's too worried," he replied, trying not to let his sadness show. "About what the crew will think. Starfleet when we return home. So she didn't give me an answer." 

"That's ridiculous," she said simply, "love is love. Look at Tom and myself." 

He sighed, "B'Elanna she's not made that way. You see her as the Captain, I see her also as a woman, as Kathryn. For the woman that she is, she'd probably say yes if it weren't for all the responsibility she had to deal with." He paused for a moment, "I don't think she'll accept however." 

B'Elanna sympathized with him, "do you think you could just live with that type of relationship?" she asked gently. 

"Probably," he replied, "but I prefer not to." He groaned rubbing his face, "oh god, B'Elanna. Being with her is so...perfect. I've never felt anything like this for a woman before." 

She reached out touching his arm gently, "give her time Chakotay, she'll come around." 

He sighed, "well, I've waited five years for our relationship to come to this level. I just hope it won't take another five for her to answer." 

"It won't," she said with a gentle smile. "Trust me. Chakotay what woman wouldn't want you? You're as perfect as they get. If it weren't for Tom -" 

He then smiled at her, “-thanks B'Elanna, but don't tell Tom." He picked up the small tool case. "I'd better head down to the Flyer," she nodded and he walked over and stepped up to the lift that would take him down to the lower level. 

=/\=

Kathryn sat in the dimness of her ready room reading an updated engineering report on the power reserve. Her door chime rang, "come in," she said, the doors opened and he entered. Her breath caught, even in the low light of her office, he was magnificent, she shook the thought out of her head, “yes, commander?" 

“The Delta Flyer," he told her, "is ready for launch." 

She nodded, put down the padd and stood up walking over to him. "Just come back to me safe," she told him softly. 

He took her in his arms with a nod, "I will and you'll be on my mind as well." 

She reached up smoothing his uniform collar, “just complete the mission Chakotay. I should be the least on your mind." 

"I'll be sure to remember that," he said with a gentle smile. She smirked and he kissed her gently. She responded, he gazed at her, "I can't wait until our next dinner." 

“Neither can I," she replied, they kissed gently again. He pulled her tighter against him, she pressed her body tighter to his, as if they were molded together. Then she embraced him whispering, "I love you Chakotay." 

He held her tightly stroking the back of her hair and neck gently. He closed his eyes, breathing in her perfume and absorbing the feel of her into him. He kissed her neck, "I love you to Kathryn." 

A moment later her comm chirped, "captain to the bridge," Tuvok said. 

They looked at each other, he took her face in his hands, "stay beautiful," he told her gently. 

"Always for you," she replied, he kissed her tenderly and then pulled away. “On my way," she said, they walked out and onto the bridge. "Report?"

"Impulse is almost restored," he informed them as they entered. "And the Delta Flyer is ready." 

She turned to Chakotay, "thank you Tuvok." Their eyes caught, "go. We'll see you tomorrow morning." He nodded and left, she watched him and then sat down in her chair. 

=/\=

The Delta Flyer II cruised at warp eight, twelve hours later, all were slightly tired and starting to get hungry. Paris groaned in the pilot's seat, "problem Tom?" Chakotay asked from in back at the science station. 

"Not really," he replied, "but I could use a stretch, these long excursions can make you feel crazed." 

"Want me to relieve you?" 

"That's okay," Tom replied, "we're almost there. Once we make orbit, I'll take a break." 

"If you say so," Chakotay said with a smirk. 

A moment later, Seven said, "I have the planet on sensors." 

"Slow to warp one," Chakotay said. 

Tom adjusted the controls, "warp one, aye," and the Flyer slowed down. 

Seven was monitoring the subspace frequencies and the surrounding space. She tapped a few commands making some adjustments. The sensors picked up a magnetonic interference, lieutenant, I suggest you alter course," she said. 

“What's up?" he asked, Chakotay glanced up from his scan's of the planet. 

"I have detected a magnetonic interference," she replied. "Probably a residual effect from the black cluster that damaged Voyager." 

"Altering course," Tom said and began to feel the shuttle vibrate. "The warp field has collapsed -" the ship was picking up speed and beginning to shake violently. A plasma conductor blew out, "I can't control it!" 

“Compensate," Chakotay ordered. 

"Impossible!" Seven said firmly. "We need to land -" 

"-Where?" Tom asked. 

Chakotay was scanning the system, "there's a Class-D moon nearby! Orbiting the third planet!"

Tom found it on his scanners, "got it!" The ship was jolted again, sending a panel into sparks. “Hang on, we're coming in fast! Brace for impact!” 

The last thing Chakotay saw was the gray rock of the moon surface rapidly closing in on them. Then saw the rock come in contact with the shuttle and heard a loud crash, just as everything went black, he whispered, "Kathryn." 

It was dark, except for the glow from various consoles surrounding Seven, Tom and Chakotay. Smoke filled the air, but the ship's ventilator's kicked in and began clearing the atmosphere. 

Tom was the first to rouse, he picked himself off the floor next to the seat in the cockpit, coughing trying to clear his throat. His whole body was sore from the crash, he cleared his throat peering around in the darkness. "Seven? Chakotay?" 

Seven lay on her side on the deck next to her console, her hair in disarray. She moaned softly, Tom crawled up to her, the angle of the Flyer tilted nose down into wherever they ended up. "Lieutenant -" she said forcing her eyes open. 

He pulled himself up to her, yanked the emergency medical kit located from under the other console and opened it up. He coughed again and pulled out a tricorder, "stay still," he told her beginning to scan her. "We landed pretty rough." 

She lifted her arm slowly, "I am undamaged -" 

“-Will you let me check please?" he asked, she relented. After a moment, he nodded, "okay, but sit up slowly," and she did with his help. 

"Commander Chakotay?" she inquired curiously. 

Tom nodded, "he's here," he crawled up to Chakotay who lay sprawled against the console at an odd angle. "Commander?" he asked reaching him, receiving no answer. He had the tricorder scanning him and he cursed, “damn! Seven, I need your help." She joined him a moment later, “we've got to move him." 

"What's his condition?" 

“Some broken ribs," he replied, "a mild concussion and some internal bleeding, we should make him as comfortable as possible until Voyager arrives." Gently, they lifted Chakotay out from the console by his armpits, he groaned while unconscious. They let his body hang limp to prevent further injury. "I forgot how heavy he is," he grunted, and both body-hung him across their shoulders to the back of the Flyer, where Seven opened the enclosed bio-bed and then helped lift Chakotay's body up and onto it, pulling his legs down while Tom lowered his head onto the pillow. "Okay, let's find out how badly we've been damaged." They worked their way back to the other section of the shuttle. 

=/\=

“Kathryn," Chakotay murmured softly, rising to consciousness. Tom was working on a console nearby and lifted his head. "Kathryn –” he began to lift his head and Tom stepped over to him quickly, gently easing him back down. 

“Easy," he said gently, "you've been hurt pretty bad, Commander." 

“What -" Chakotay groaned. He winced at the pain in his chest and head. "How bad?" 

Tom sighed, "you've got a few broken ribs, a minor concussion and some internal bleeding. It's best that you don't move.”

"I won't argue with you," he said dully. He sighed and glanced around him, the lights were low, and he couldn't see much. "What's our situation?" 

"Well," he replied, "we hit the moon pretty hard and we're buried under ten meters of rock at a 45 degree angle. We're intact, the shields held, but we have only short-range communication. Our life support is critical however, so I've shut down all unnecessary systems to conserve energy. Seven's boosted our subspace transmission and sent out a distress call to Voyager, but with the short range communication's only working -" 

Chakotay nodded, "-it'll be awhile before they get it. That's if the impulse engines are back to full power." He then thought remembering what Kathryn said about 'not feeling right' about this mission. Sometimes her intuition surprised him, and then again, was she feeling that something would happen to him? They were connected in every sense, could feel each other...

He put that idea out of his head. He sighed, "are both of you okay?"

"Better than you," he replied, "we've got a few bruises here and there." He looked down at him, "are you in any pain? Do you want to be sedated?" 

Chakotay shook his head slowly, "no, I want hourly updates on our situation. I want to know when Voyager gets here." 

Tom closed the tricorder, "fine -" 

The comm unit chirped, “lieutenant, please come to the front of the shuttle," Seven asked him. 

"Be right there," he replied. "Stay put," he told him and walked away.

=/\=

"Captain," B'Elanna said from the engineering station on the bridge. “We'll have half power and full impulse in the next hour." 

Kathryn nodded walking along the top level, observing the work being done. "Excellent, B'Elanna. Harry status on our long-range sensors? We haven't heard from the away team." 

"Just came online," he replied beginning to scan. She walked over standing beside him. "No sign of the Flyer," and Kathryn felt her heart lurch. "But I'm also detecting another energy wave." 

"How soon?" 

"Ten minutes at best," he replied. 

Kathryn quickly stepped down to the command level, “B'Elanna those impulse engines -" 

"-You've got a little power," she replied.

“Ensign," Kathryn said to the one occupying the conn. "Get us out of here, best possible speed. Head to that system, our away team is missing," she felt her jaw clench in fear that Chakotay, Seven and Tom were dead. She wasn't sure she could handle the possibility of her friends and lover dead. 

"Aye, sir," the ensign replied inputting the commands. 

The ship was just out of range when the next wave passed through and shortly later, the impulse was restored. They headed to the planet, but weren't due to arrive till the following morning. 

Kathryn couldn't and wouldn't sleep. She paced the bridge, the ready room, sat down when felt like it. She monitored the repairs, but without the polyfarranide, the warp coils weren't touched. 

She sat in her chair when the ship took orbit of the planet. Harry began a much deeper scan, "Captain, no signs of the Flyer on the planet." 

Her heart skipped a beat, "any debris? Warp signatures indicating an explosion?" 

He shook his head, "no, ma'am." 

Kathryn's throat tightened with tears as she began to worry. She swallowed forcing them back for the moment. She kept her voice steady, "keep scanning," she stood up. "I'll be in astrometrics conducting my own search." She headed up to the lift. "Tuvok you have the bridge," and he nodded as she walked out. 

=/\=

Down in astrometrics Kathryn ran the sensors on the planet beneath them. Despite the quiet of the room, she could feel Seven's presence there. But her heart and mind were on Chakotay and what had become of him. 

She thought of their last night together, how tender he was with her. Her throat choked up again as she fought the tears that wanted to come. "Chakotay -" she whispered her heart aching and a tear slid down her face. 

Kathryn, his voice said through her, as if to calm her. 

Her body shuddered feeling him, he was calling out to her, and she wrapped her arms around herself closing her eyes. The tears slid down her face quietly, hope surged through her, they were alive, they had to be. She could feel it, had to believe it. 

Chakotay, she called out to him, hoping he'd hear her. 

Suddenly the comm unit chirped, "Captain Janeway to the bridge.” Harry said. 

She opened her eyes, pulled out of her reverie, she inhaled wiping her eyes, "go ahead Harry." 

"We've picked up the Flyer's ion trail," he replied. "It ended about 10,000 kilometers from the upper atmosphere." 

"That mean's they never made it," she said. 

"No, ma'am," he said. 

"On my way," she said and walked out. 

When she arrived on the bridge, she told Harry and Tuvok to keep scanning the area for any sign of the Flyer. She took Tuvok's latest tactical report and walked into the ready room, just to do anything to keep her mind off Chakotay. 

A few hours later there was still no sign, Kathryn was getting more worried as it went on. 

She entered the bridge, "report?" 

"Our sensors," Tuvok replied, "have picked up faint resonance signals from a magnetonic interference -" 

“-A magnetic storm?" she asked shocked. She sighed rubbing her temples, she was tired. 

"How long ago?" 

"I estimate about twelve hours ago," he replied. "About the same time the Delta Flyer was supposed to arrive at the planet." 

"So they must have been," B'Elanna said from the engineering station, "blown off course somewhere. What about one of those moon's orbiting the planet? It's possible they ended up there." 

Kathryn nodded, her mind working, "that's a possibility." 

"We could take a shuttle to survey," she added, "them-“

"-A good idea B'Elanna," she replied, "but at this moment I prefer not to. I don't want to lose anybody else." 

"What about Tom -?" 

"-I understand," Kathryn said, her voice cracked as Chakotay drifted through her mind. 

She sighed, "set a course for that first moon, and begin scans when we reach sensor range. I'll be in my ready room," and she walked down. 

=/\=

Kathryn sat on her sofa staring out the window shortly later as the ship took orbit of the moon. An empty cup from her recent cup of coffee sat on the shelf behind her. Her door chime rang, "come in," she said softly and the doors slid open admitting Tuvok who stepped up to her. She turned facing him, “yes, Tuvok?" 

"There is no sign of the Delta Flyer," he told her, “on this moon, Captain.”

"Oh," she said, her eyes grew moist, she glanced away for a moment and then looked up at him, "set a course for the next one." 

"Yes, Captain," he said with a nod. He stared at her, "Captain you haven't slept in almost three days. Perhaps you should rest." 

She smiled gently at him, "thank you Tuvok for suggesting it. But I don't think I could while the away team is missing." 

"Captain, since Commander Chakotay," he said and didn't mistaken the sadness that filled her eyes at the first officer's name. "Is presumed missing, it is my obligation to assume acting-first officer until ours is recovered. And it is the first officer's duty to see that the Captain take a much needed rest when necessary." 

She sighed, “your right, my judgment is clouded." She paused for a moment in thought, "I'll rest here Tuvok. Let me know if any changes happen.” 

He nodded, "yes, Captain," and he walked out. 

Kathryn sighed looking around, she then stretched out along her sofa pillowing her head with an arm behind her. "Computer, dim lights," and they lowered. She closed her eyes, resting them. Her body was still tense and she told herself to relax and concentrated on her breathing, trying to clear her head. 

Kathryn, his voice said through her softly. 

She opened her eyes with a gasp and slowly sat up gazing around her dim office. Tears threatened to fall, "Chakotay where are you?" she asked in a whisper. Suddenly she felt a touch on the side of her face, a caress. The way he touched her sometimes after making love. Her body shuddered and she let out a soft sob putting her hand to her mouth. 

Chakotay, she called out to him again closing her eyes. Come back to me!

The tears slid down her face and she caught her breath trying to control herself. She focused on the hum of the ship's impulse engines, her tears began to dry slowly.

This isn't good, she thought. I can't live this way each time he ends up missing. I'm too close for a personal relationship. I can't be in love and still be his captain. This isn't going to work! 

She put her face in her hands trying to talk herself out of this problem she was facing. She sighed rubbing her eyes, then laid back down on the sofa. She closed her eyes again, and she felt herself drift off into a light sleep. 

=/\=

Almost two hours later she slowly opened her eyes to the dimness of the ready room. She sighed, "computer, time?" 

“1600 hours," it told her. 

She slowly sat up bleary eyed and stretched her stiff back and neck. She stood up walking over to her replicator, "computer, coffee," and one appeared on the base. She took a sip and sat back down on her sofa, "computer, raise lights," and they slowly rose up. She took another sip, and then sighed, "Janeway to bridge." 

"Tuvok here, Captain," he replied. "Did you rest?" 

"For a short while," she replied. "Any news?" 

"So far scans of the second moon," he said, "have revealed nothing. There is only one moon left, but it's very close to the second moon." 

"Could their trajectory," she asked, "send them there?" 

"If the magnetic storm," he replied, "hit them while still at warp, it is a possibility." 

“Soon as possible Tuvok," she ordered. 

"Yes, ma'am," he said. "Bridge out." 

She finished her coffee and stood up, put the two used coffee cups back on the replicator base to recycle them. She walked back down to her desk and sat down, her head a little clearer. 

She reached down and tapped open a desk drawer located on her right side. She pulled out a small hand held mirror and dared to look at herself. She glanced and groaned, her hair was mussed slightly from the nap she took, eyes red from her crying, lack of sleep or both. And she had lost some color in her face. 

When they were all safe on board again, she'd get a full night's rest. Her door chime rang, "come in," she said, the doors slid open revealing B'Elanna who walked in. "Yes, B'Elanna, what can I do for you?" She slid her small mirror to the side near her desk computer. 

"Can I talk to you, Captain?" she asked studying her. 

“What's on your mind?" she asked, indicating to a seat in front of her desk. B'Elanna sat and she waited. 

“Well, Tom and Chakotay," she replied and saw a film of worry cover her Captain's eyes. She continued, "I don't believe their dead, but just lost somewhere in this system. We'll find them Captain." 

Kathryn nodded with a small smile, “I don't think they are either B'Elanna." She stood up and walked around to her and leaned against the desk facing her. She fought a yawn, "I always have hope." 

"Never lose hope," B'Elanna told her, and Kathryn shrugged. "Especially if it's for those we love," and watched her eyes mist. Kathryn was embarrassed at this show of emotion and turned her head away quickly wiping her eyes. “I understand how you feel, Captain." 

Kathryn sighed and looked at her, "what are you talking about?" 

B'Elanna took her chance to talk to the Captain -no, Kathryn, this way. She's Kathryn here, Chakotay's Kathryn. "Kathryn you've been so happy these past several weeks," Kathryn glanced at her at the mention of her first name by her chief engineer. "Chakotay told me...about your relationship before he left," panic was seen in Kathryn's eyes. She reached out to her, "don't worry, it's in complete confidence, only I know. Not even Tom," she smiled gently. "We'll find them Kathryn, I'm sure of it." 

Kathryn stared at her half-Klingon chief engineer, admiring how the young woman whom she took a chance on seven years before and turned her into a sharp, responsible and compassionate Starfleet officer, from an empty, rebellious Maquis. Now she was a very good friend, “thank you B'Elanna," and smiled, drying a stray tear. B'Elanna smiled with a nod, stood up and walked out. 

=/\=

Chakotay, he heard her voice, come back to me! 

Chakotay woke with a start, "Kathryn?" he gasped rising a little from a fogged sleep. 

Seven was working by a panel in the dim light, she turned and walked over to him, "Commander." 

Chakotay peered up at her, "Seven?" She nodded, “what happened?" 

Seven stared at him, “you were sedated by Lieutenant Paris. The pain was too much for you a few hours ago. Are you experiencing pain now?" 

He shook his head slightly, "no." Then it registered, "a few hours? How long has it been?" 

"You've been unconscious," she informed him, "for six hours." 

“Six hours?" he repeated and winced when some pain shot through his head. He lowered it back to the pillow, "status?" 

"No change," she replied. "Although Lieutenant Paris has managed to stabilize the life support for a few more hours." 

"Any word from Voyager?" 

“None," she replied. "I suggest you rest." She walked away. 

Chakotay closed his eyes, his mind on Kathryn and how worried she most likely was. Not just for him, but Seven and Tom. He knew what she was doing to herself right now, not sleeping and most likely, not eating. He would be sure to break her of that habit someday and hopefully the insomnia that occasionally fell upon her. 

But, he had heard her voice in his sleep, didn't he? She had called out to him, he was sure of it. And, he had briefly felt her. Was their connection that strong? His father had once told him when two were joined in spirit, they could sometimes feel and speak to each other through the heart and mind, even through great distances. At this moment he hoped it was true. 

=/\=

Four more hours had passed, Kathryn sat on the bridge. She had managed to eat a small dinner, a casserole of something Neelix prepared. She didn't know what kind. Beta shift was going to be starting soon and it had been three days since she'd slept, really slept. 

Suddenly a beeping was heard, "Captain I found them!" Harry said in the quiet. 

Kathryn sat up straighter, she stood up and practically leapt over the railing to his station, "where are they?" 

"This moon," he replied, "southern hemisphere," he frowned touching the keypads. "But there's some sort of interference. They're not on the surface."

“Tuvok?" Kathryn asked turning towards him. 

"They are buried under," Tuvok replied, "ten meters of rock. It's a Class-D, Captain." 

She walked over to his station, "lifesigns?" 

"Three, very faint," he replied. 

"And the Flyer?" 

"Intact," he replied, "and I've also detected a cavern nearby." 

B'Elanna had jumped up from the engineering station and stood on the command level. "Captain, we could go down there with some plasma cutters to loosen the rock around the Flyer. Then beam it into the shuttlebay." 

Kathryn stood looking at her, "is there an atmosphere Tuvok?" 

“Not for a standard away mission," he replied. “Environmental suits will be required." 

"Do it,” she ordered firmly. "Harry try contacting them." 

"Working on it," he replied. 

Tuvok moved away from his station, he tapped his commbadge, "Mr. Neelix, report to transporter room one in environmental gear -" 

"-Let me go!" B'Elanna said. 

Kathryn glanced at Tuvok, then nodded, "go ahead," and she quickly joined Tuvok in the lift. The doors slid closed, she turned and walked back over to Harry's station. 

=/\=

Tom sat in the cockpit gazing out at the gray rock before the portals. He sighed, there were only a couple of hours of life support left. He was tired, very tired and he missed B'Elanna. 

Although he did find out that Chakotay was thinking of the Captain. He'd woken each time calling for her and he occasionally did in his sleep. Boy, he has it bad, he thought ruefully. He groaned, starting to think they were going to die there. 

Suddenly out of the darkness the comm unit burst to life, "Voyager...Delta Flyer..." it was the Captain. He sat up reaching for the command key. 

“Voyager?" he said, he tried to contain his excitement. "Captain?" 

"Yes," she replied, the connection was being worked on. It got stronger, “we're in orbit Tom. Is everyone alright?"

"Seven and I," he replied, "are fine. Commander Chakotay needs medical attention as soon as possible." 

There was a pause, and then she said, "a rescue team is nearby cutting you loose. We'll have you free shortly." 

"We can't wait," he replied. 

"Stay patient," she told him. "Voyager out." 

Tom silently cheered and stood up making his way to the back. He entered the back, "they've found us!" 

Chakotay lifted his head, "Voyager?" 

He walked over to him with a nod, "yes. Captain Janeway says they're in orbit and there's a rescue team cutting us out now." 

"Thank god," Chakotay murmured closing his eyes. It was quiet for a moment, and then he said, “do you hear that?" 

"What?" Tom asked. 

"That noise," Chakotay replied. 

Seven glanced around, her hearing picking up the faint sounds drawing closer. "Plasma cutters off the portside." 

They all heard it now, Chakotay closed his eyes. Kathryn, he said to her, hoping she'd hear.

=/\=

Two hours later, they had cut the Flyer out in time and beamed it aboard. Kathryn had the Doctor ready in sickbay for Chakotay, as all of them were beamed there directly. The Delta Flyer was slightly damaged, but a few repairs would have it like new again. 

Tuvok and B'Elanna returned to the bridge, but Kathryn sent B'Elanna back down to sickbay to be with Tom. She had all she could not to race to sickbay herself to check on Chakotay. 

Remaining calm, she said, "Tuvok scan the moon for any minerals we need."

He was doing just that, "I have found some substantial amounts of polyfarranide and dilithium. No deuterium." 

She sighed, "good enough. Start phasering out what we need and beam it aboard. It's going to be raw, so I'll have B'Elanna work on processing it. Once that's done, start scanning the rest of the system for deuterium and verillium." 

He nodded, "yes, Captain." 

"You have the bridge," she said. "I'll be in sickbay." And she left. 

=/\=

When she arrived in sickbay, she found Tom sitting on one of the side biobeds with B'Elanna beside him. She walked over to them with a soft smile, "good to have you back Tom. You had us worried." 

Tom smiled at her with a nod, "oh, it's great to be back, ma'am. I was beginning to wonder for awhile. I wasn't sure if I'd see any of you again," he glanced at B'Elanna who held his arm gently. 

"Well, I'm happy as well," she said and her eyes caught B'Elanna's, who smiled softly at her. 

Tom suddenly said, "hey Doc! Can I get out of here? I need to shower and spend a little quality time with my wife."

The Doctor stepped away from Seven, who was sitting on another biobed. "Go ahead Mr. Paris. But do try to get some sleep, I expect to see you here in sickbay for your next duty shift."

Tom nodded, “you got it." He slid off the bed, "let's go," he said to B'Elanna. "Captain," and she nodded with a smile as the couple left.

The Doctor walked up to her, "Doctor how is the Commander?" she asked him, trying to keep the edge out of her voice. 

He sighed, "he had some broken ribs and suffered some internal bleeding which I have repaired. A minor concussion as well, but I've taken down the cranial swelling. I want to keep him here for the next few hours to be sure no complications set in. He will be sore for a couple of days however." 

"Is he conscious?" she asked. 

He nodded, "yes, go ahead and talk to him." 

She headed over, but stopped by Seven, "how are you Seven?" 

"Fine, Captain," she replied. 

“Good to have you back," she told her and then slowly walked over to the main biobed. She had all she could not to wrap her arms around him, his dark eyes caught hers and her throat caught, she swallowed moving closer. He was bare chested and covered in a thermal blanket. She stood by him and leaned closer to him, touching him on his lower shoulder gently. She smiled gently, "its good to have you back." 

He smiled up at her, "it's good to be back." He didn't reach up to touch her, he'd save that for later. 

"Get well soon," she said softly, her eyes growing moist. She fought it back, “I need you...on the bridge." 

Chakotay stared up at her, he could see how fatigued she was. Her eyes were red, and she had lost some color to her beautiful face. But he could also see the love and worry in her face. 

"I'll be back as soon as the Doctor allows." She smiled and cupped the other side of his face tenderly, stroking beneath his ear. He wanted to kiss her, but she pulled away. She stood for a moment gazing at him, then turned and left. 

=/\=

When Kathryn returned to the bridge, Tuvok informed her that the polyfarranide and dilithium were recovered. B'Elanna had her staff preparing the polyfarranide and would have the warp coils fixed in two more days. 

"Any deuterium?" she asked him. 

"None in the system," he replied. 

She sighed, lowered her head to her hands which rested on the corner of his console. He gazed at her impassively waiting, "I'm so tired Tuvok -" 

"-That is evident, Captain," he said. 

She smiled, and then raised her head looking at her old friend, "start scanning the next sector. Soon as warp power is restored, we leave." 

"Yes, Captain," he said. 

Kathryn smiled, “I'll be in my ready room," and she stepped down and walked in. 

Several hours later, Kathryn left the bridge too tired to stay up any longer. With the away team now rescued and all well, she felt the last three days catch up with her. She wondered if she'd make it to her quarters in time. She left the bridge to Tuvok and walked out, sagging against the lift wall. 

=/\=

An hour later, after having some soup and washing her face, she sat in her uniform trousers and her tee shirt in her armchair. The tears slid down her face as she came to realize she had to end their affair. She wondered how she was going to tell him. The stress and sorrow she felt during the search and rescue were too much for her to handle if he were involved again. 

Her door chime rang, she sighed glancing up, she wiped her eyes, "come in," she said. The doors slid open and Chakotay entered, "oh -hi," she said, barely a whisper. He was in his uniform, freshly showered and looking well. 

Chakotay studied Kathryn, the lights were low, but he could tell she hadn't slept yet. He walked over to her, standing near her chair. "Are you okay?" he asked gently. 

She stared up at him, the sight of him taking her breath away. She nodded, “yes, just a little tired." He smiled gently at her and held out his hands, she bit her lip. Then she slowly stood with her hands on her hips fighting the tears, resisting the urge to go to him. 

Chakotay noticed how Kathryn hesitated on going to him. Something was bothering her and she was obviously upset. He walked up to her and wrapped his arms around her gently, enfolding her against him. He stroked her hair gently and kissed her neck. 

Kathryn stood there, feeling and smelling him, loving him. She couldn't hold back anymore, and she rested her head against his shoulder sliding her arms around him beginning to cry softly. 

He held her tighter, letting her cry, knowing this was all her emotions she held in for the past three days. He stroked her back gently, "its okay, my love. I'm okay, everything's okay." He kissed the top of her head tenderly. "I love you Kathryn." 

"I love you," she whispered, her tears calming. 

He sighed as they stood holding each other tightly. When she was finally quiet he gazed at her, stroking her tears away tenderly. Her blue eyes stared up at him, bright and clear, he kissed her gently. She responded clinging to him, as if it were to be her last time. After a moment he looked at her, "Kathryn I'm back, but I sense something else is bothering you. Tell me." 

Kathryn stared at him, she put her hands on his chest. She sighed, he had reached over stroking the side of her face in that familiar gesture she had come to love about him. She closed her eyes wanting to melt into his arms and make love with him again. Her entire being missed him, the feel of him and she knew he felt it as well. She sighed, "I was so worried...Chakotay. For the past three days I had...to deal with the possibility of...you dead somewhere." Fresh tears spilled down her face, he stroked them away.

*Oh Kathryn," he said tenderly. "I'm so sorry-" 

She shook her head opening her eyes, “-don't!" She paused taking a breath, then continued, "I can't be in love with you and be your captain at the same time. I don't think I could handle sending the man I'm in love with on away missions that could be dangerous." 

Chakotay began to understand what she was trying to say to him, he didn't want to believe it. She was exhausted and the pent up emotion she held in for the past several days was getting to her. His voice shook some as he gazed at her, "Kathryn?" She stared at him, "relationships can be like this sometimes -" 

"-Between a captain and her first officer?" she asked. She pulled away from him wrapping her arms around her. Her throat tightened as her chest filled with tears. Her voice cracked, "I...can't take part in a relationship...that compromises my command decisions." 

He sighed, walked up behind her, "Kathryn we could handle it, deal with this." She was quiet, he placed his hands gently on her shoulders, “do you still love me?" 

"Of coarse I do," she said, still not looking at him. 

"If we were no longer intimate," he asked her gently, "but were still in love. Will it affect you the same way?"

She sighed, "I don't know -" 

“I think it would," he told her. Then he slid his arms around her waist gently, “I think we could handle it. Our love and strength will keep us grounded." 

"Chakotay," she whispered, he pushed aside her hair and placed a kiss on the back of her neck, she shivered closing her eyes. He wasn't making this easy. 

"We'll make it, my love," he whispered tenderly into her ear. 

The tears were ready to fall again, she stood letting him hold her. His hands were stroking her abdomen over her shirt. She shuddered wanting him to continue, but couldn't, it was impossible. She then turned in his arms, taking his face in her hands, he brought his to her face gently, drying her tears which continued to fall. He kissed her again deeply and gently, she responded, letting their tongues mesh sweetly and lovingly for the last time. He kissed her eyes and her face, his breath warm against her skin. She sighed, the tears still flowed, and she gazed at him again and bit her lip whispering, “I’m so sorry it has to be this way.” 

Chakotay stared at her, realizing her mind was made up. He felt a knot grow in his chest as his heart broke. He shuddered, his voice cracked, “Kathryn -you don't have to do this. Think about it -please," he wasn't sure if could live without her. "Haven't you been happy?" 

She nodded, "of coarse I have! Chakotay these past few weeks have been the happiest ever for me. But...I can't live with myself if something ever happened to you." His face fell, her heart was breaking, as much as his own was at the moment. “I'm...so sorry Chakotay," and the tears fell hot from her eyes. 

His chest hurt from the sorrow he was feeling at their breakup. They would no longer be lovers after this night, just colleagues. Friends would be difficult for them right now. He kissed her gently again, she responded sweetly, and then he took her hands kissing them. "I love you so much. I'll never stop Kathryn," he began to pull away from her slowly, breaking their contact. 

She still cried, he squeezed her hand gently. "Goodbye and goodnight," he forced himself to let go of her, he stepped away staring at her. He smiled at her and turned slowly on his heel, walking out of her quarters and her life. 

Kathryn stood watching him leave, a sob creeped up her throat. The doors slid closed after him. She heaved a sob and put her face in her hands, "I'm so sorry,” she whimpered, "so sorry," and sat down in her armchair. She curled up crying into her arms, unable to stop. 

=/\=

Chakotay entered his quarters, he stopped leaning against his wall closing his eyes. The tears threatened to fall as he tried gaining control. He drew in a shuddering breath. 

"Kathryn," he whispered, “oh my love, what have you done?" 

They were still connected spiritually and he could actually feel her sorrow through it. It made him want to cry as she continued to do so in her quarter's next door. 

He groaned and turned hitting the wall with his fist in anger and sadness. 

During the following week, the crew noticed the change in the command teams relationship. For one, the Captain looked awful. She was drained and her eyes were constantly red, most likely from crying. Her uniform was always immaculate, but her hair not always as it used to be. Some days it was just straight, like she gave up on curling it beneath her ears and it hung flat and had no shine. 

And they were no longer seen together, except on the bridge, and even then she kept to herself in the ready room. Chakotay was silent and not smiling either, he looked incredibly sad and every time he had to look at her, his eyes almost misted over. 

The warp coils had been replaced once again, so the ship cruised at warp six to look in nearby systems for deuterium, which they still desperately needed. 

One night, later that week he sat cross-legged on his floor with his medicine bundle open and spread before him. The akoonah sat nearby, waiting for him. He concentrated closing his eyes, placing his hand on it, "a-koo-chee-moya, we are far from the sacred places of our grandfathers. We are far from the bones of my people, but I ask on this day of sorrow and uncertainty, that the wisdom of my father find me. And help me understand my dilemma," he bowed his head, gripping the amulet tightly between his hands. “Speak to me father, speak to me in my dreams..." 

..."Why so sad Chakotay?" Kolopak asked him curiously. 

Chakotay felt his mind shift and clear to see his father working on a project that consisted of rocks and sand. It was daylight and his father worked in a clearing beside the forest. He stood walking over to him, "my heart has been broken father." 

Kolopak glanced up at him, sympathy passed his features. "It is this woman who tricked or tried to trick you into fatherhood?" 

He shook his head, "no," and paused with a sigh. He knelt beside him, "this woman is my best friend, my captain –“ 

Kolopak nodded, “-an forbidden love," he gazed at him. "Do you love her?" 

“With my whole heart and soul -" 

"-And does she love you?" 

"Yes," Chakotay nodded. 

"So, other than this being forbidden," Kolopak said, "by military protocol. She had refused you?" 

“Last week," he replied. "Father, we had finally consummated our relationship, we were very happy. I asked her to marry me-" 

"-She said no," he added. 

Chakotay sighed, "she never answered. She ended our affair because she was unable to deal with sending me into hazardous situations." 

"She broke your love because," Kolopak asked, "she couldn't separate her love for you and your welfare?" He paused thinking, "her spirit is misguided Chakotay, she needs to find it again."

“How?" 

"That will be up to her," he replied. “But you will have to be patient until it happens. Support her Chakotay, stay close to her -" 

" -She's not letting me near her," he told him, his voice trembled. 

"In your heart and soul," Kolopak informed him gently. "Touch her through your spirit bond, comfort her as she learns to deal with her heartache." 

"I will," Chakotay told him, understanding and his father smiled gently at him...

... Chakotay opened his eyes staring into the dim light of his quarters. He focused on his bedroom and to the woman on the other side. Slowly he stood up, walked over and sat down on his bed, listening for Kathryn. He heard nothing. He wasn't sure if she were in there, but he remembered her look of love each time she gazed at him. 

He stretched out on his bed with a sigh, breathing and remembering their times together. He could still feel the softness of her against him, her perfume and the scent of her hair surrounding him as they made love. And her screams of pleasure...he longed to hear it again, but somehow thought it wouldn't happen. A tear slipped out of the corner of his eye and he whispered, “Kathryn."

The rest of the week, both reported to their duty shifts, he could see and feel her pain. She didn't look at him when issuing an order, but her eyes were still swollen and red, her makeup didn't cover that fact. He wanted to hold her, comfort her, but she stood away from him and still kept to herself. 

Late one evening, Kathryn stood in the middle of her quarters with her arms wrapped around her, the tears slid down her face as she fought the ache of wanting to be with him. She could still feel him inside her if she concentrated hard enough, but told herself, why do that? It'll only cause more pain. 

She sighed wiping her eyes, she was tired, very tired. Ever since their breakup, she hadn't managed to catch up on the sleep she lost. She cried herself to sleep most nights, but they weren't deep and she always woke feeling unrested. 

Kathryn, he said her name softly. Remember what we once had. 

She turned and shook her head furiously, forcing him out, "stop it! Please Chakotay!" she whimpered feeling him. She groaned when the feeling caressed her face and slowly faded. She decided to change for bed and walked into her bedroom, taking off her boots, trousers and shirt. She walked into her bathroom and stood by her sink beginning to run the water. She gazed at herself in the mirror. Her red puffy eyes and tear-stained face stared back at her. She knew she caused this, but also knew she had no choice, it had to be done. 

She then washed her face and neck, brushed her hair out. She walked back into her bedroom, removed her bra and pulled her long, peach nightgown over her head. She stood for a moment, listening for sounds of Chakotay in his bedroom next door. She walked over to the small wall besides the bathroom, which connected their quarters. She could hear nothing, she leaned up against the wall as fresh tears slid down her face, as she began to wonder what he was doing at this moment. 

The tears built up and she hugged herself beginning to sob as it took her. She groaned and let a sob erupt from her as she sank to the floor. 

=/\=

Chakotay lay in bed, not sleeping, but attempting to find sleep. In the silence of his quarters he heard a muffled wail that was choked and on the other side of the wall. He opened his eyes slowly and listened. Kathryn was on the other side crying deeply for him. His heart reached out to her, he sat up in bed gazing over to where she was on the other side.

He threw his bedcovers back, swung his legs around and onto the carpet. He stood and walked over to the wall and sank down to where he figured she was. "Kathryn," he said softly and gently, "its okay, everything will be okay." 

The crying subsided some and suddenly he heard, "Chakotay?"

“Yes, my love," he replied gently. She was beginning to quiet, he sighed touching the wall, as if to touch her. "Do you want me to come over?" 

“No!" she said quickly, "no." He heard her fighting the tears again, she sighed, “I'll be alright Chakotay. I will. I promise." 

"Are you sure?" 

There was a pause, then, “yes, it's just too soon." 

He nodded, expecting the answer. “I love you Kathryn." 

A strangled sob came from her now, “I...love you...to." He waited and suddenly she said, "goodnight," he heard her stand. 

"Goodnight, my love," he said with a sigh and her side became a little quieter, but he guessed she had returned to bed and was continuing her cry into a pillow. He stood up and walked back over, slipped back into bed and closed his eyes, sleep finally finding him. 

Two nights later, B'Elanna paced her and Tom's quarters, while Tom sat on the sofa watching his television. He couldn't watch his program and her at the same time. He groaned, "B'Elanna! Will you quit it!” She glared at him, but continued, he sighed and gave up. He turned off the set and stood up walking over to her. "What's wrong? Why are you so worried?" 

She stared up at him, she sighed, "I'm sorry -" 

He shook his head placing his hands on her shoulders, "its okay. Tell me what's bothering you so much." 

She stared up at her husband and the understanding she knew he had behind his bright blue eyes. She sighed, "I might as well, since the whole ship has noticed," he shrugged. "It's the Captain and Chakotay-" 

"-I noticed," he said, she nodded. "I notice everything like that. How could anyone not? The Captain has looked awful-" 

"-Something happened," she said, "between them. I didn't think anything of it, but when I saw Chakotay..." she sighed. "He's in so much pain and the same with Kathryn -" 

"'Kathryn'?" he repeated shocked. "Since when did you start calling her by her first name?" 

“Tom," she said with a moan, "it's not all the time." She paused thinking, "it changed the night we rescued you. That I know." 

Tom thought back to the time on the Delta Flyer and the times Chakotay woke calling out for Kathryn or murmured her name in his sleep. "When Chakotay was injured during then, he'd wake up calling for her." He thought, “can it be that deep between them?"

She sighed, "I think so. I spoke with her the day before we found you, she almost burst into tears at the mention of his name. Tom, they're in love and their not together anymore. I can't understand it." 

"It had to be the away mission," he said with a nod.

"What?" 

"If the Captain was that worried," he replied, "about Chakotay during that mission, perhaps she called the romance off for being too close." 

B'Elanna thought for a moment, and then nodded, "she would do that, wouldn't she?" 

Tom shrugged, "I think so. You've seen how she can be, always one step ahead. Then suddenly, boom! She's not, she's as clueless as the rest of you when we disappeared and to make matters worse, she's in love with the first officer, who also happens to end up missing. Has Chakotay talked to you?" 

She shook her head, "not a word." She sighed, "well, it looks as if I should have a heart-to-heart with the old man. Find out what's going on." 

"Sounds good -" he said. 

"-Oh, and Tom," she said as she slid her arms around him. "Keep this out of your betting pool for now, okay? Their miserable enough as it is." 

He pulled her tighter against him, "promise. Now Mrs. Paris, what do you say if we go to bed?"

She kissed him gently, "sounds very good, Mr. Paris," and he lifted her into his arms carrying her over to their bed on the opposite side of the room. 

Two days later, Chakotay sat in his office trying to get the next month’s duty roster’s completed. But he couldn't, Kathryn and his night against opposite walls with her in tears was still heavily on his mind. Since then, Kathryn fought to keep her composure more, show less tears. He wasn't sure if he could handle being apart from her like this, it was tearing them both apart. 

He groaned resting his head back, during the night he could feel her reaching out to him. Perhaps she wasn't aware she was doing it, but it was killing him. 

His door chime rang, waking him out of his reverie. He sat forward, "come," and the doors slid open revealing B'Elanna who walked in. He was surprised to see her, since she was supposed to be on duty in engineering, "B'Elanna something wrong?" 

She shook her head studying him carefully, "no. I just wanted to see if you were okay." 

"I'm fine," he said, their eyes caught. He sighed, "B'Elanna you're here for a reason, so what is it?" 

"You don't look 'fine'," she said simply. "In fact you look miserable, as well as, Janeway." She leaned over to him across the front of his desk, placing her hands on each side of her for support. "The crew is talking Chakotay, everyone has noticed." He sighed and sat back rubbing his face, gently she continued. "Talk to me Chakotay, what happened between you two?" He looked at her, “I want to help." 

He stared at her, he had helped her once over two years before to help her accept the deaths of their Maquis friends. Now she was reaching out to him. He sighed and stood up walking over to the small portside window and stood gazing out. "It was Kathryn's idea," he started. "When we returned from the away mission, that's when she told me she couldn't be in love with me and be my captain at the same time." 

"Oh, Chakotay," she said softly, walking up beside him. "I never even got that from her when we spoke." 

He glanced down at her, "you spoke with her?" 

"The day before," she replied with a nod. "She gave no indication of what she was thinking." 

"That's Kathryn," he said with a small smile. He sighed, "I tried to talk her out of it, but her mind was made up. And, after all these years of serving by her side, you know there was no way to change it." He put his hands on his hips, "so, every night I hear her crying and I can't do a thing about it." B'Elanna gently placed her hand on his arm, "a few nights ago she was a mess. We sat on opposite sides of our bedroom walls as she cried for me. I wanted to comfort her, but she said no." 

B'Elanna folded her arms across her chest and turned to him, "go to her Chakotay. Make her see that this breakup is wrong." 

He sighed, "B'Elanna you don't know how truly stubborn she can be. She won't be in the same room with me long enough. And the bridge? She's not even staying there with me. Have you noticed she's been hiding out in the ready room? I can't get close enough." His voice trembled somewhat, "I'd give nothing more than to be with her again." 

"Would you like me to talk to her?" she offered. 

He shook his head, "no B'Elanna, don't. It's enough if Kathryn knows that the crew is aware of her personal life." He sighed, "I don't like it much myself. But, hopefully she'll come around when this deuterium shortage is solved." 

B'Elanna nodded, "you sure?" He nodded, she sighed, “okay, I won't then. Just work it out soon, okay? No one can take seeing the Captain this way for much longer."

"I'll try," he said, she nodded and turned to leave. "Oh, and B'Elanna?" She gazed back at him, "thanks for trying." 

"No problem," she said with a smile and left. 

He stood there in thought, knowing B'Elanna had made a point. He hoped Kathryn would come around once the deuterium shortage was taken care of. He hoped he'd be able to convince her afterwards. He hoped for a lot of things to be like they were before. Then he sighed returning to his desk to try and finish the rosters. 

The following week, the ship entered a new sector, still in search of deuterium. Kathryn was still suffering each night, crying herself to sleep. Her haggard appearance was starting to alarm the crew and Chakotay was getting worried about her. She was on the bridge only when necessary, and kept to herself in the ready room. At times she took walks to remote parts of the ship at night to stare out of a portal on the lower decks as the ship cruised at low warp to conserve what deuterium they had left. 

Being close to him still hurt too much, she knew if she allowed it, he'd have his arms around her and hold her until all her fears were gone. She wanted that, but she didn't want the feelings of dealing with him being lost somewhere. 

So she stayed in her ready room during the duty shifts, leaving the bridge to Chakotay and only making appearances when necessary. She knew the crew was observing her actions, but she couldn't help it. She was hardly eating or sleeping, she knew it wasn't good and if the Doctor got wind of this, he'd have her checked out immediately. He'd give her some of his psychological outlook on how to deal with a broken heart, or relieve her of duty. 

Her heart still ached for him, her spirit called out for him at night. She knew he wasn't happy, but this heartache was her fault. She sat on her sofa staring out the viewports, holding the tears in. She was tempted to call him in, just to talk to him, but didn't. She had to remain strong in front of her crew, little good that was doing her holed up in here. 

Her door chime rang and she didn't answer, she closed her eyes wishing whoever it was, would go away. It rang again, she sighed opening her eyes and wiped a stray tear away from her eyes and turned, "come in," she said, trying to keep her voice level. The doors slid open and Seven entered, when spotted she stepped up to Kathryn. "Yes, Seven?" 

Seven noticed Kathryn's appearance, but didn't say anything. She sighed holding out a padd, “I have found a protostar nebula about five light years away, Captain. It has been detected to have deuterium." 

Kathryn took the padd, grateful for the distraction, she glanced at it. "'Protostar'?" She glanced up at her, "Seven do you recall correctly the last time we had a run-in with that kind of nebula?" 

"I do remember," Seven replied and she also remembered One, the Borg drone who sacrificed himself for the Voyager crew to prevent assimilation by a Borg sphere, by sending the sphere into the growing and dangerous nebula. "However, this nebula has been expanding for several months now, the core is far from the perimeter. The Delta Flyer's shields should be able to withstand any gravimetric sheer." 

"Possibly," Kathryn said, "but for how long? The Flyer would need enough time to collect the deuterium." 

Seven sighed, "with Lieutenant Paris, I believe if we open the Bussard Collector's completely and at impulse, we should be able to collect enough deuterium." 

Kathryn sighed, "that's not a bad idea Seven, but it's also dangerous. Considering the last away mission, I'm not sure -" and she stopped realizing what she were saying. "But, it appears we have no choice. Myself, you and Tom will go." 

Seven raised her eyebrow, “Captain you don't need -" 

Kathryn shook her head, now realizing that's exactly what she needed. To get away from the ship and Chakotay, even for a few hours. The idea of going into a proto-nebula to collect deuterium actually excited her. She needed to do this, to get her mind off her heartache. "Yes I do Seven." 

Seven nodded, "very well, Captain." 

"I'll call a staff meeting" she said, "for 1400 hours." 

Seven nodded again, “I'll have the required information ready." She paused staring at Kathryn, "Captain are you well?" 

Kathryn blinked, "why do you ask?" 

She shrugged slightly, "you look fatigued -"

Kathryn stood up with a sigh, “-I'm just a little tired Seven. That's all. Come on," and they left her ready room, this time she had a purpose to be out with her crew. 

=/\=

When the senior staff met at 1400 hours, Kathryn stood by the viewports to be away from Chakotay while she conducted the meeting and who sat in his regular seat on her right. The details had been given to her staff and the plans to collect the deuterium, now she was listening to any other suggestions they had to offer. 

"Unfortunately," Tuvok said, "this appears to be our only option. But I suggest we at least keep the ship stationary for 20 million kilometers to stay clear of the gravimetric sheer."

Kathryn nodded turning to face them, "agreed." She glanced at B'Elanna, "B'Elanna be sure the forward shields are up to full, we're going to need them." 

B'Elanna nodded, “yes, ma'am." 

“Lieutenant Paris, Seven and myself," she said, “will take the Flyer out to collect the deuterium." 

Chakotay turned to her, making eye contact with her purposely, he was shocked at her announcement. "Captain, I don't think it's necessary for you to go on this away mission. B'Elanna is -" 

“I'm going," she said firmly staring at him. Her icy glare cut through him, "do I make myself clear, Commander?" 

He stared up at her with a sigh, "yes, ma'am." 

Kathryn glanced over at Tom, "Tom, once we reach the perimeter of the nebula, have the Flyer ready for launch in two hours." 

He nodded, "yes, ma'am." 

She glanced at everyone, "dismissed," and they all stood up and began to leave. All except Chakotay, who still sat staring at her as she turned away from him and back to the window. This was the first time they were alone in a room together in almost three weeks since their breakup. 

"You don't have to do this," he told her. 

She nodded, “yes I do." 

He stood up and walked over to her in the far corner, wanting to hold her. If she were better mentally, he wouldn't object to her going on this mission. But he knew it was her current state of mind that was telling her to go. This was getting out of hand, he had to stop it right now. He said gently, “I miss you," and she nodded a little. He sighed, "Kathryn can't we work this out? It doesn't have to be this way.” 

The tears were filling up in her eyes again, "-yes it does," she whispered. 

“No," he said tenderly, "it doesn't. It's tearing us both apart. God, Kathryn the crew has noticed and are talking -" 

Her voice shook, "-it's the best thing Chakotay." 

He stood behind her, letting her feel his body heat, "how can it be the best thing when you're crying yourself to sleep every night Kathryn?"

She wrapped her arms around herself, "it's getting better -" 

Chakotay groaned, "don't lie to yourself and me. I know you haven't been eating or sleeping. Kathryn you look exhausted, I can't take it anymore." He slowly reached out placing his hands on her shoulders, she stiffened at first, and then let him. He pulled her against him and whispered in her ear, "I don't want you sick, my love." 

Kathryn shuddered, "Chakotay –“ 

"-We belong together," he continued. "I love you and you love me. We should be together." 

Kathryn let her body relax against his for a moment, then she pulled herself away from him, "it won't...work -" her voice trembled. 

Chakotay stepped back over to her, taking her arm and pulling her back to him. He made her look at him by touching her chin. "Kathryn," he said gently as she stared up at him, her tears began to fall. "Try for me, please." 

She stared up at him and reached up cupping the side of his face gently, "oh, Chakotay -" 

He quickly and tenderly kissed her, her touch sending him over the edge. He hadn't felt it in so long. She moaned softly feeling his soft, warm and gentle mouth on hers again, loving and missing it all at once. 

She wrapped her arms around him, clinging tightly to him. His tongue found hers as they meshed sweetly and tenderly. She pressed her body against his, loving the feel of his hard chest against her breasts again, through their uniforms. Then they broke apart as he kissed her forehead and face gently, drying her tears. She sighed holding him, "oh I have missed you Chakotay," he stared at her, "but when we finally get the deuterium, I'll reconsider." 

He smiled tenderly at her and stroked her face, “that's all I wanted to hear." He kissed her gently again and they held each other tightly. 

Several moments later they pulled apart staring at each other, she wiped her face and he smiled at her tenderly. They walked back out onto the bridge, together for the first time in three weeks. 

=/\=

Several hours later, Tom was navigating the Delta Flyer through the gravimetric sheers. Seven sat at her usual station, tactical and navigation, while Kathryn sat beside her at the engineering station. Seven scanned the cloud as the ship rode the eddies as the cloud continued to expand. 

“I have located a large deposit of deuterium," she said, "5,000 meters off the port bow." 

“Got it," Tom said, seeing it on his sensors. 

Kathryn stood up and headed over to the science station, holding her footing as the ship rolled beneath her. She sat down inputting the proper commands. She said calmly, "the collector's are open -" and the shuttle rocked violently as an eddy hit them, tossing her to the deck. She felt her adrenaline rush, she pushed herself off the deck and sat back into the chair. 

"Seven!" 

"The collector's are filling," Seven informed her calmly. 

"I don't know how much longer," Tom said, "I can hold it!" 

"A few more minutes!" Kathryn ordered above the noise. She ducked as a plasma conduit blew just off her station. 

"The collector's are full," Seven said, closing them. 

"We're outta here!" Tom said, inputting the commands. 

Suddenly a gravimetric sheer rolled into them, just as Tom went to warp and propelled the ship away from Voyager. Everything went black. 

=/\=

"They're gone," Harry said. 

Chakotay lifted his head from a report, "what?" 

"The Delta Flyer," he replied, "they just disappeared off my sensors." 

"Confirmed," Tuvok said. 

Chakotay stood up, "what happened?" 

"Unknown," Tuvok replied, "but sensors did pick up a level five gravimetric sheer shortly before." 

"Any ship debris?" 

“None," Harry replied. 

Chakotay sighed, "then they're not dead. They might be lost. Keep scanning the entire expanse of the cloud. They're there," he could still feel her. 

=/\=

Tom groaned opening his eyes and discovered he was lying against his console. He slowly sat back against his chair, his vision cleared. He found them drifting over a large gas giant. 

“Not again," he said with a sigh. "This isn't my month. Seven?" 

She lifted her head from the back of her chair, “here and I am undamaged." 

He began to stand, "the Captain?" 

Seven began to stand and walked over to find Kathryn still sitting, but unconscious. She pulled out a tricorder beginning to scan her. "She's unconscious, but I detect no injuries." 

Kathryn groaned, her eyes fluttering open listening to Seven's diagnosis, she put her hand to her head. "Speak for yourself," and winced feeling a headache. "I've got one hell of a headache." 

Tom kneeled beside her and opened the medkit. He added a vial to a hypospray and programmed it, "I'm giving you a shot of inaprovalin to remedy that," and injected it into her neck. 

She sighed, "status?" 

"From what I gather," he replied, "we were blown off course by that last gravimetric eddy. We're drifting above a gas giant." 

She moved her head, the headache starting to fade, "ship status?" 

"Warp engines and communications," Seven replied, "are off-line. I've put out a subspace distress call on a lower band to Voyager. But I'm not sure if they'll receive it." 

Kathryn felt a warm trickle on her forehead, she touched it and her fingers came back with some blood. Tom nodded, "yeah, you've got a laceration just above your hairline, but I'm not detecting any concussion." He took a dermal regenerator and gently worked on the laceration. 

"How's the deuterium?" she asked while Tom worked on her. 

"Intact," Seven replied. 

Tom finished, "there you go, Captain." 

She glanced at him with a nod, "thanks." 

"I think we'd better get subspace communications," he said, putting the medkit away. "Back online in case Seven's message didn't get through."

She nodded, “agreed. I'll give you a hand," and she stood up going over to the communications panel. 

=/\=

The ship shuddered against a gravimetric sheer, "status?" Chakotay asked. 

"The cloud has expanded," Tuvok replied. "It will reach us in ten minutes." 

"Helm plot a course," he told the ensign at the conn, "around the nebula. Perhaps the Flyer is on the other side. Keep our perimeter at 30 million kilometers."

"Aye, sir," she said, inputting the commands. 

After several course changes, as the cloud expanded, Tuvok finally said, "commander, I've picked up a large gas giant on the other side of the nebula." 

"I found them," Harry said, "they're drifting in a low orbit. No warp engines from what I can tell." 

"Lifesigns?" 

"All three," he replied, "are healthy and strong."

We're coming Kathryn, he told her. Hang on. 

A moment later, "I've detected a faint distress call," Tuvok said, "on a lower subspace band." 

Chakotay closed his eyes briefly, "keep a lock on them. When we're in range, hail them." 

"Yes, sir," Harry said. 

=/\=

Tom was adjusting the short-range sensors, while Kathryn still worked on the subspace communications. Seven worked on the warp drive. 

"There they are!" Tom said excitedly. 

Kathryn lifted her head, "what?" 

"Voyager," he replied.

“Where?" 

He sighed, "without long range sensors it's hard to tell. But, given they've just shown on short range, I'd estimate at least a half a light year." 

"Keep working on it," she said. 

“Yes, ma'am," he replied. 

Kathryn connected another channel. Suddenly a channel burst to life with broken static. Then a voice was heard, "Voyager...Delta...read us?"

She touched a few commands, "Voyager this is Janeway, we read you."

"We are less than a light year from you," Chakotay told her. Kathryn felt tears fill her eyes at the sound of his voice. She wiped them away. "Is everyone alright?" 

She smiled, "we're just fine commander. No warp engines, however." 

*We'll be there in an hour," he told her gently. "Hold your course." 

“We're doing that," Tom added. 

"Voyager out," Chakotay replied. 

Tom turned around to see Kathryn smile, a real smile for the first time in weeks. This was a good sign between herself and Chakotay, he could tell. She caught his eye and smiled at him, he did as well and sat back down. 

=/\=

An hour later, Voyager found the Flyer in a low orbit of the gas giant. Chakotay had Tuvok tractor the shuttle back into the shuttlebay. Kathryn went to sickbay with Seven and Tom for a quick checkup. 

Chakotay walked down to sickbay, hoping that this away mission was enough to get whatever it was in her head out of her system. He hoped. 

He entered sickbay to find Kathryn sitting on a biobed with the Doctor beside her. Tom was with B'Elanna and Seven was almost out the door. "I need to regenerate," she told him, he nodded and she left. 

He walked over to Kathryn, she gazed at him, "how are they Doctor?" 

"Fine," he replied, "I've given them all a clean bill of health -" 

"-But?" he said, already knowing where this was going. 

"The Captain is suffering," he replied, “from severe mental exhaustion. I am ordering her to rest for the next two days. I hope you intend to follow it?" He asked her.

She nodded, "you'll get no argument from me. I am very tired." He nodded and walked away leaving them alone, he now stood in front of her, the concern seen. "Status?" 

"The deuterium has been added to the storage tanks,” he replied. "Full power has been restored as well, and the nebula caused no damage. We're on our way home again." 

“Good," she said with a nod and slid off the bed, finding her body just touching his. It began to warm again, he didn't step away immediately. She sighed gazing up at him, he then stepped back from her. She glared at him and he smiled at her, she turned and headed out, with him right beside her. 

As they headed to the turbo-lift, he said softly, "so how are you? Did this mission relieve any of your doubts about our situation?" 

They walked into the lift, "captain's quarters," she said and the lift rose. After a moment, she sighed, “I realized how thankful I am to have you in my life." 

He turned to her, "Kathryn -" he said softly. 

She reached out to him, taking his hand, "-can we talk Chakotay?" 

He squeezed hers gently, "yes." The lift slowed and came to a halt. The doors slid open and he let go. She walked out with him following. 

=/\=

Once in her quarters, they sat on her sofa. She sat beside him quietly, while he waited for her to start. After a moment she sighed, "these past three weeks have been...horrible for me." A tear slid down her face, he reached up and gently stroked it away. "I thought I could handle it, like I've handled everything else," her voice shuddered. "But, I could hear you, feel you all the time. Why?" she asked looking at him. 

"We're of the same spirit," he replied gently. “We're connected in mind, souls and hearts Kathryn. My people sometimes obtain this level of...consciousness together. When a couple makes love for the first time and if their meant to be together, their minds and souls become one. Remember when we first made love?" 

She nodded saying softly, "I'll never forget." 

"We connected then," he said and she glanced at him. He leaned closer to her, "these past three week's have been awful for me as well." He stroked the side of her face gently, she closed her eyes. "This can work Kathryn, if you let it. Danger is a part of our jobs here in the Delta Quadrant and you're strong enough to separate our relationship from our professional. Just don't distance yourself from me in private." He sighed, "will you try for me?" She thought for a moment, his hand was comforting as he still stroked her face and she missed him terribly. He was right about them being soul mates, she glanced at him and nodded. He smiled taking her face in his hands kissing her gently and deeply. 

Kathryn responded, slowly wrapping her arms around him. He leaned against her, pressing his body against hers as they sank along the sofa. Her body warmed against his as they held each other, he was kissing her deeper. Their tongues meshed lovingly as she slid her hands up his back and into his hair. After several minutes he kissed her face and neck, she gasped, "Chakotay, shouldn't you be on...the bridge?" 

He kissed her gently and gazed at her, "the duty shift ended over a half hour ago, its Beta shift and Tuvok has everything under control. I love you and I want you." 

"I love you," she whispered touching his face. "I've been so horrible to you. I'm so sorry Chakotay." 

He touched her mouth, "it's all forgiven, my love." He sat up and pulled her with him. He reached down taking her boots off, then his. He stood up and pulled her to her feet, and then he lifted her into his arms. She was much lighter than she was three weeks before. She really hadn't been eating much, "first thing in the morning, you’re having a big breakfast." 

She wrapped her arms around his neck with a smile, "I promise," and he carried her into the bedroom and deposited her on the bed. 

She knelt as they stared at each other, he removed her uniform jacket and pulled off her turtleneck, she was wearing her tankshirt. She helped him remove his jacket and turtleneck, revealing his warm, bare chest. They kissed tenderly again as he slid his hands up her sides, stroking her abdomen and breasts, pulling her shirt out of her trousers. 

She moaned softly feeling her body become alive again, the need and hunger for him was beginning to overwhelm her. He pulled the shirt over her head, placing a deep kiss on her throat, she held his head arching her back. She sighed when he slid his hands beneath her bra, cupping her breasts and kissed down to one taking a warm, hard bud in his mouth. "I've missed you so much-" she whispered. 

He unhooked her bra, the straps slid down her arms, he let it fall away and kissed her again gently. "I've missed you to, my love." They clung to each other as the rest of their clothing were removed slowly and deliberately. 

He lowered her to the bed, lying alongside her as they kept kissing. His hands continued to caress her gently. She shivered against him, holding him just wanting him to do it all. He kissed her throat and neck, slowly working down her, placing soft warm kisses on her, letting his mouth feather her. She sighed closing her eyes, arching her back in the pleasure of it all. 

She felt him reach her womanhood and she opened her legs for him as he placed his mouth down on her, she cried out softly and gripped the bedcovers. He continued to explore her, drink from her, as her body became ready for his. Her body shuddered, she groaned as he brought her such exquisite pleasure she thought she were going to cry in it all. A shudder passed through her again, more intense and she cried out. He slipped two fingers within her now, still exploring her and her hips arched to his hand. He kept caressing and probing, pressing up against the swollen nub of nerves, she thought she were going to scream with the pleasure. 

"Chakotay!" she cried out. "Oh my...I love you!" 

“I love you," he responded with tenderness. He began to slowly kiss up her, touching her lovingly and stroking her. He wanted to take his time, remember each part of her as it were the first time again. He cupped her breasts and savored each of them tenderly, she held his head running her fingers through his hair. 

“Now," she whispered, "please -" 

He kissed her gently, she responded wrapping her legs around his hips feeling his hardness pressed against her. "Soon my love -" he was holding back, but it was becoming increasingly difficult, as her womanhood was hot and ready for him. He kissed her face, stroking her sides, she clung to him. 

“Don't stop," she breathed and he kissed her deeply. Their tongues meshed again lovingly and she groaned in the pleasure as he joined them slowly and deeply. Her hips arched to his and he whimpered as her body surrounded his, tears formed in his eyes. 

"Oh Kathryn," he whispered and she held his hips guiding him gently against her. He slowly withdrew and brought them together again, she groaned sliding her hands up his back, taking his face in her hands. 

Their eyes caught and she matched his gentle rhythm, he kissed her tenderly again, stroking her face and hair. The ache was building, but slowly, as they made love for the first time since the breakup. They were together again, for eternity far as they were concerned. 

He stroked her shoulders, taking her hands in his and moved them above her head, moving slightly deeper into her now. She groaned when he hit her favorite spot, she kissed his face and throat, "I love you so much Chakotay." 

“You're so beautiful," he whispered tenderly. "I love you," they kissed deeply again and he still held her hands, her hips rising to greet his. 

The ache was getting stronger now, she whimpered and embraced him tightly, wrapping her legs higher around his waist. He began to move slightly harder now, stroking her in her favorite spot, his hips moved in small circles. She cried out again clinging to him, her love for him taking him into her further. 

He filled her now, he could feel her body clenching around him, accepting him even deeper into her. They kissed deeply again and he felt his release begin to build and began to move a little faster, holding her tightly against him. 

Her body shuddered deeper, more intense and she cried out, "don't stop! I love you –” 

"-Never my love," he whimpered, beginning to move faster. Her body clenched him more and shuddered again. He didn't want it to end just yet, but to last for awhile longer. "Kathryn wait -" she kissed him again. He responded and left her she cried out in protest. He held her waist, rolling her over onto her stomach, she closed her eyes as he caressed her back gently. He shaped out her hips and small waist, placing soft kisses on her shoulder blades, working down her spine. She clenched the pillow moaning, loving the attention he was giving her. She felt him reach her juncture with his hands, her legs opened for his and she cried out when he slid his fingers inside, probing. 

She whimpered, he was kissing the valley between her buttocks and waist. He slowly kissed the uprise of her buttocks, his fingers still moving within her gently. She groaned when he placed his mouth on her again, her hips moved to his exploration as he held them. 

It had never been like this for her before, even with Mark and Justin. They were both gentle and passionate with her, but Chakotay was bringing her such pleasure she'd never felt before, her body was ready to burst into flames. Their love was connected on a higher plane, they could feel each other through their skin, nerves and breath. Their heartbeats became one and he lay against her and she cried out when he joined them again from behind, he kissed the back of her neck, she gripped the bedcovers, he reached out putting his hands over hers moving deeper and harder into her. 

She arched her back against his, straining to get him deeper as he touched her core, he rolled onto his side, placing his hand on her abdomen; she tilted back her head as he kissed her neck. They moved together and he stroked her breasts, her arm reached behind her, wrapping it around his neck. He was stimulating her nub of nerves with his hand, her body shuddered again and she cried out beginning to scream. His other hand found her mouth, she gently bit into it, and the pleasure surged through her. He was moving faster and harder into her now. 

He felt his release coming closer now, as her body strained to greet him and let him in deeper. He groaned and wrapped his arms around her, kissing the tip of her shoulder, she curled her body against his, her breath coming in gasps, "my Kathryn," he groaned lovingly. 

"Chak-otay," she whimpered and the ache began to spread, warming her and she let herself go as it burst and her body shuddered violently, clenching him tightly. She closed her eyes screaming. He felt her muscles grab him and he groaned feeling his release, as his life spilled into her, he held her tightly to him. 

Chakotay gasped, she whimpered as he kissed her neck tenderly, their senses bringing them back to reality. He wrapped her gently against him, his body left hers, as they lay spooned on the bed. He lay quietly as their heartbeats slowed and breathing calmed. 

"I've missed you," she whispered finally. 

"I have to," he replied as he held her. “I'm very happy we finally made it back to each other." 

"So am I," she said softly. She turned into his arms gazing into his eyes, her hand reached up stroking his face, he reached out doing the same to hers. "You were right Chakotay." 

He traced her bird-like eyebrows, "about what?" he asked tenderly. 

"Us being soul mates," she replied. "I never felt this close to anyone before." She closed her eyes as he kissed them softly.

He stroked her jaw in the familiar place she liked, "Kathryn, you're so beautiful," he told her gently. "I love you so much." 

"I love you,” she whispered. 

He gently took her face in his hands, their gaze locked, his thumbs caressed her facial bones. "Kathryn, will you marry me?" 

She traced his tattoo, staring deep into his dark eyes. She smiled gently at him, “yes," she whispered, "I will. I don't ever want us to be apart again." 

Chakotay's heart soared, she had finally answered and it was the right one. He kissed her gently, embracing her, she responded holding him. He looked at her, “I love you Kathryn, let's not wait too long." 

She shook her head, "no, soon as we could," and they kissed deeply and gently again. His hands slid down her, drawing her hips against his, she could feel him becoming hard again and her body warmed. He lay against her, caressing her gently, “make love to me again,” she whispered.

“Oh yes," he replied in the passion, "I intend to," and they washed away on their love and passion for each other. 

Later, they slept in each other's arms, both smiling. 

When they woke the next morning, Kathryn felt whole again and completely rested. It was her first real night of sleep since before the first away mission weeks back. But, due to the Doctor's orders, she was supposed to rest for another day. 

He was going to cover Gamma shift that day, so they had time before he had to report to the bridge. He drew a warm shower for her and picked her up carrying her in, lowering her to her feet beneath the warm spray. He joined her and she let him lather and rinse her, wash her hair. Her body became alive and they kissed passionately, where they made love again, against the cool tile wall. 

After, while she groomed herself, he was lucky enough to still find one of his uniforms in her closet. He dressed into his trousers, boots and shirt, and then prepared a large breakfast for her like he promised. 

He was just finishing up when she walked out in her bathrobe, looking rested for the first time in weeks. Her face wasn't as drained, but her eyes were still slightly red. He figured she'd be back to true form the next day. Her hair was curled beneath again and it shone under the lights. 

"Well,” she said with a soft smile, "what have we got here?" 

"Breakfast," he replied simply, not taking his gaze off her. She looked radiant, "I believe you told me once that you enjoyed eggs benedict with fresh asparagus for breakfast." 

She smirked, "thank you, I can't believe you remembered that. I think I mentioned that to you seven years ago!" He walked over to her taking her in his arms, she slid her arms around his waist. She sighed, "last night was beautiful Chakotay -" 

He nodded, “yes it was, my love." He kissed her tenderly, "and this morning was perfect-" 

She embraced him tightly, "I can't wait to be your wife." 

He closed his eyes, stroking her neck gently. "I can't wait either." He looked at her, "come on, it'll get cold," and pulled away and he pulled out her chair for her letting her sit down, then he sat on the opposite side. She sipped her coffee, he watched amused as he saw the effect it had on her. When the transformation was complete, he said, "how are we going to tell the crew?" 

She gazed at him, “I don't know. I'll think of something. But, most likely we should tell the senior staff first." 

A thought drifted across her eyes, he noticed, “what's wrong?" 

She shook her head, "nothing. It's just...Tuvok will be approaching me about this, but I'll tell him that I can't be alone for the rest of my life. And, that you're the only one to really be with." 

He reached over taking her hand gently, "Tuvok will understand." 

"I know," she said. 

“Kathryn," he said gently, she lifted her eyes to his. "No regrets, I want you to be happy as I am over this." 

She smiled at him with such love, "I am very happy Chakotay. It's just all a bit overwhelming. We've been friends for so long, then lovers, now we'll be husband and wife. It's a lot for me, that's all." 

"I understand," he said with a smile. 

When they finished with breakfast, he took the dishes putting them back into the recycler and put on his uniform jacket. She took a padd novel to read and had another cup of coffee. She walked him to the door and he kissed her gently before leaving. 

"Get some rest," he told her. "I'll see you at lunch, my love." 

She nodded, “I'll have something ready. I love you." 

"I love you,” he said and pulled away from her and walked out heading to duty. 

Kathryn walked over to her armchair and sank down with her coffee and padd beginning to read.

Within the next two days, everyone took notice to the Captain's mental state. She was glowing and smiling again, so was Chakotay. And they were seen together again, looking as happy as they were in the past at the start of the relationship. 

One morning the senior staff sat in the briefing room for their weekly staff meeting. Tom couldn't help but notice how radiant the Captain was and with Chakotay beside her, listening and adding information when necessary. 

Kathryn sighed glancing down around the table, looking at each of her friends. "Is that it for official business?" Everyone shrugged or nodded, she took a breath and glanced at Chakotay who smiled gently at her, urging her on. She looked at all of them again, "well, then I have to make a very special announcement." She paused trying to figure out how to tell these people she had grown so close to in the past seven years. 

Just tell them! She told herself. 

"Captain?" Neelix said curiously. 

Kathryn stared at him, she stood up walking over to the window and gazed out. She could feel everyone's eyes on her, including her fiancée. 

You can do it, my love, he told her gently. 

She placed her hands on the port sill and then turned to them, "if you haven't noticed - which I know everyone has -is how close the commander and I have become recently." She felt her confidence build, she held her hands together, "actually, we've been very good friends almost since the month we were stranded here in the Delta Quadrant. My life would have been completely different without him and he feels the same. So, with that being the case, I've accepted his marriage proposal." 

Silence stretched it seemed for like hours throughout the room as everyone else tried to absorb what she just told them. Did she really say what they thought they heard? 

"Married?" Harry repeated shocked. 

"Indeed," Tuvok said calmly with a raise of his eyebrow. 

"Yes," Chakotay said, finally. 

"Isn't that wonderful!" Neelix said happily. 

"I knew it," Tom said smugly and B'Elanna punched him in the arm. 

Kathryn sighed and walked over, standing beside Chakotay's chair. "I know this might all be a shock for you, but -" 

"I think it's wonderful," the Doctor said simply. "Captain, it's been quite evident for year's how you've both felt about each other. I'm happy to see you both have decided to make it official." 

“Same here," Tom said simply. 

"I think a celebration is in order," Neelix said. 

"Let me offer the first congratulations," B'Elanna said smiling and standing. She walked around to the head of the table embracing Kathryn and Chakotay. 

"Same here," Neelix said standing, he walked over shaking their hands. 

Soon everyone was up and embracing or shaking their hands. Kathryn smiled with tears in the corners of her eyes. She let Chakotay hold her by her waist, and she did as well. 

“So, when's the big day?" B'Elanna asked, leaning into Tom's arms as he held her. 

Kathryn glanced up at Chakotay, he touched her face tenderly. She shrugged looking at them, "actually we haven't decided yet-" 

"-But it will be as soon as possible," he added. 

Neelix leaned closer to them. "well, soon as you know. We've got to start planning your wedding cake, Captain. I have so many recipes I got from here in the Delta Quadrant or use in the Alpha. Let me know." 

Kathryn grinned, "I will Neelix." 

Chakotay wrapped her against him, "we both will. Long as you promise not to make it out of leola root," and smiled. 

Everyone laughed, Neelix nodded, "you have my word." 

Kathryn sighed wanting to stay in his arms, “okay, I think this meeting is over and we all have work to do." Everyone groaned, “dismissed," and they all began to filter out, Tuvok being the last. Once they were alone, she turned into his arms, "that went better than I thought it would." 

"I told you," he said lovingly, "and I'm willing to bet in Tom's betting pool the whole crew will know by lunch." 

She laughed, soft and throaty, "you’re probably right," and they kissed gently. He pulled her up against him, she moaned softly, and then glanced at him. "I love you, but we should really get back to work." 

"I love you," he replied, "and your right," he dropped his arms. She took his hand and they headed out to the bridge.

Chakotay was right, when he went to lunch that day, every crewmember he ran into offered their best wishes, or shook his hand. He was happier then he'd ever been before. 

=/\=

That evening during dinner they began talking of the type of wedding they wanted. He was happy, now if he was seen entering and leaving her quarters at odd hours, no one would talk. 

After they sat in each other's arms with a glass of white wine. She curled against him content as they sat on the sofa. She sighed, "I don't want traditional. I know that." 

"What would you like?" he asked her. 

"Something simple," she replied with a shrug. 

"That sounds good," he said. 

She sat there and then turned facing him, “are you going to agree with me on everything with this wedding?" 

"Not everything," he said smiling, "but I'd really like to plan the ceremony." 

"You would?" she asked shocked. 

He nodded, “yes, based on my tribe's wedding practices." 

"Can I still wear a wedding dress?" she asked, "or do I have to wear animal skins?" 

He chuckled at her humor, he touched her chin, "no animal skins, but wear something beautiful. And I'll make your headpiece as well." 

"I can't wait," she said. 

"Just let me have an idea," he told her, "on the type of gown, fabric and everything." 

She stretched up to him, “just the basics," and kissed him gently. He responded, and then she gazed at him. "I haven't been this happy in a long time." 

Chakotay stroked her hair gently, "neither have I." They embraced gently, she rested her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. He began to stroke her back, she was still wearing her long-sleeved shirt and uniform trousers, but had taken off her boots. His hand found the fastener to her shirt and he absently pulled apart the shirt, wanting to touch her skin. He placed his hand on her smooth back and she gave a small sigh, he continued to caress, sliding his fingertips up her spine, under her bra strap and to the bottom of her neck. 

Kathryn felt her body shiver to his caressing, she lifted her head gazing into his dark eyes. He stared back at her and she pulled away standing up holding out her hand. 

Chakotay stared up at her, then he stood up taking her hand and they headed to the bedroom. 

A couple of hours later, both lay beneath her comforter and sheet in each other's arms after a session of tender lovemaking. He kissed her forehead and she sighed burying closer to him. 

"Kathryn?" he said, she moaned. "Would you consider having children out here?" She then propped herself up on his chest staring at him. "I know our situation, and I know the Delta Quadrant isn't the place to raise a child. But, look at Naomi -" 

Kathryn reached out putting a finger to his mouth quieting him. She smiled gently at him, "oh Chakotay, I'd like very much to have a child. But, you're right, this isn't the place, although Naomi has grown so beautiful and smart since being born." She sighed, "it's just that...with the life I lead, going on those hazardous away missions, if we run into the Borg again -I don't want a child of mine lose a parent or fear of getting assimilated." 

He took her face in his hands, "Kathryn all those are valid reasons. But, we've come over 60,000 light years since first being stranded here. That's a miracle in itself and we're still alive and well. I want to see you pregnant with my child, to see my tribe live on in my child's life and then his or hers." 

"I know," she said, knowing his entire tribe was killed by the Cardassians over seven years before, his reason for resigning his Starfleet commission and joining the Maquis. "I understand. I'm going to have to think about this Chakotay." 

He lifted his head up and kissed her gently, she responded sliding her hands up his sides, caressing each rib and muscle setting him afire. He slid his arms around her and she tilted back her head as he placed a kiss on her throat. “That's fine," he moaned and rolled over against her. Her legs slid around his hips, inviting him closer to her. He became hard feeling how warm and moist she already was. Their passion was unbearable and could be well read between them. She slid her hand down, taking him in her hand and began to caress him. He groaned and his body shuddered, she kissed him passionately as she continued to stroke him. He gasped at her stroking, pulling her tighter against him, "oh Kathryn," and kissed her even more deeper, their tongues meshing deeply, lovingly. She positioned him at her womanhood and he slid his hands down to her hips, stroking and then lifted her up, joining them deeply and firmly. 

Kathryn groaned, her body arching to his as he began to move against her slowly at first, bringing in surges of pleasure. "Don't stop," she moaned, clutching him, 

“Never,” he groaned, filling her completely. She rolled over onto him, sitting up and moving her hips downward against his, pressing him deeper and against her nub of nerves. He let her take the lead, as she put her hand on his shoulder and leaned towards him, their faces close as she closed her eyes. 

He groaned watching her, feeling her muscles clench him, building up to a crest as the ache built. He moved his hips against hers, helping her. She began to moan, the ache building and becoming deeper and more intense. 

"Your so beautiful!" he groaned holding her hips, she began to move harder and faster now. Her moans began to turn into screams, low and deep from her chest. His hand traveled over and pressed against her nerve bundle, moving in synch with her hips. 

Kathryn felt her tears build in her eyes, and the ache expand, she moved her hips faster and harder now against his. He groaned, her moaning was loud and vibrating through him, both of them were close, very close. She began to scream and arched her back, pressing him all the way inside her. He reached up taking her face in his hands, her eyes closed as the pleasure surged through her. Then the ache exploded, sending a shockwave through her body as it shuddered, clenching him tightly and she screamed. 

He lifted his head up and kissed her deeply, quieting her as her body felt the aftershocks travel through her. She gasped responding, he ran his hands through her hair and their heartbeats slowed. She groaned and gazed at him, he stared up at her, "that was the most intense it's ever been," she breathed softly. 

Chakotay smiled tenderly at her, "it was perfect, my love." She smiled and lowered herself down against him, stretching her body along his, they wrapped their arms around each other as she buried her face in his neck. Their legs entwined and she rested her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes. "I love you," he whispered. 

"I love you," she replied and drifted off to sleep. 

Between then and the next month, Kathryn finally set a date for the wedding. They decided to orbit the ship for one day around an uninhabited planet and leave the computer in charge of the ship during the festivities, so everyone could go. The wedding would take place in three weeks beginning at 1200 hours. 

Kathryn began designing her wedding gown, after Chakotay hinted that the ceremony would take place on the holodeck on a simulated New Earth. Where their love for each other first began. 

Neelix was busy himself, by bringing samples of food for them to taste up on the bridge and during their lunches and dinners. Kathryn decided on a six layer -three layers of Jimbalian fudge cake and three layers of terra nut cake -with white frosting. He was given the specifications of the river on New Earth by Chakotay, and designed the reception along the bank. That would take place on holodeck two, underneath a white and yellow pinstripe canopy with a buffet and cloth covered tables. 

Kathryn asked B'Elanna and Seven to stand up with her and Naomi Wildman to be her flower girl. Chakotay asked Tom and Harry to stand with him. The Doctor offered to take the wedding pictures with his holo-imager. 

Their wedding rings, matching gold bands with woven leaf design in two thin strands were designed by both. The crew donated the bands from combined replicator rations, which touched Kathryn immensely. 

During all this planning, they decided to live in her quarters, because they were bigger. But his would remain his, in case he needed a place to retreat now and then. B'Elanna helped him design extra closet space for his clothes and Kathryn approved of reorganizing her quarters for extra furniture, his artwork and a wooden chiferob, that he designed and assembled to put against their wall, after it was bolted to it. It would hold all their china and glassware. 

As the days drew nearer, Kathryn was starting to get nervous. Chakotay was spending most nights in her quarters now. Sometimes among the talking and planning, they made love, both passionate and tender among padds and their clothes as she helped him move in. She drew the line on the floor one evening however, because at the moment he began moving into her harder, she started to get a rug burn on her backside and found it uncomfortable to say the least. He relented, understanding. 

One afternoon she sat in her ready room on her sofa going over various department reports with a cup of coffee. Her door chime rang, "come in," and looked up watching Tuvok enter. “Yes, Tuvok?"

"May I speak with you, Captain?" he asked her, she nodded, and he stepped up to her and sat down beside her. 

“What's on your mind?" she asked him gently. 

"Your upcoming nuptials," he told her. 

Kathryn nodded and sighed, "I was wondering when you'd come by to speak with me." She paused, "I know what you’re going to say regarding protocol with starship captains becoming romantically involved with their subordinates. But, Chakotay isn't that, not really. Maquis or not, he's a captain by legal terms, except for the fact that he's been my first officer for the past seven years." 

"That is a logical way," Tuvok said, "to look at it Captain." 

She smiled softly, "we've been friends for a long time Tuvok, your support is wanted here and your blessing." She leaned closer to him, "please understand, Chakotay is not only my equal, but my best friend and my partner. Other than yourself." She glanced down briefly, then back up at him, "I've gone without intimacy and love for seven years, and there’s a chance it'll still be 30 years before we reach home. I don't want to wait that long before allowing myself to love again. But, please understand why I'm doing this. Chakotay and I are more than just friends and lovers, but we're soul mates, in every meaning of the word. 

"We can feel each other, talk to each other," she continued, “without saying a word. I never expected anything like this to happen between us. I fought it for so long, but then, I gave in, knowing we're meant to be together. Do you understand?" 

Tuvok stared at his captain and his friend. He said simply, "I understand your reasoning Captain. You deserve some happiness," she smiled softly at him. "I will stand by you on this decision, like I have on all your decisions of the past. And if we should return home, I will also support you when Starfleet reacts to your marriage." 

"Thank you, my dear friend," she said placing her hand on his. Then sighed, "which brings me to something I'd like to ask you." 

"Proceed," he said. 

"Will you preside," she asked, "over the wedding ceremony? It would mean a great deal for Chakotay and myself." 

"I am honored," he replied, “you have asked me to take part in such a private event in your life Captain." He paused, "I will be honored to do so." 

"Thank you," she said. "The commander has planned the whole ceremony Tuvok, based on his tribe's customs. Since Starfleet won't recognize our marriage, we are marrying under his tribal laws and traditions. You can ask him what is involved with that." 

"I'll be sure to do so," he said. Kathryn smiled patting his hand. 

=/\=

After the duty shift ended, Kathryn left the bridge to Chakotay, who was working a double that day. She decided to go to the holodeck to visit da Vinci. Chakotay told her he'd see her when Gamma shift ended, she told him she'd wait for him. 

She entered da Vinci's workshop, finding him working on a painting. She smiled quietly walking over, folding her arms across her chest. "It's coming along," she told him softly. 

Da Vinci turned at the sound of her voice, “Katarina! What a pleasant surprise!" He took her hands and placed a chaste kiss on the side of her face. "You look wonderful!" 

"Thank you Maestro," she said. "I came to also thank you for helping me with my problem." 

He studied her, "oh, that wonderful man you told me about." 

She nodded, “yes, Chakotay." 

"Yes, of coarse," he said. "So how did it turn out?" 

Kathryn smiled gently, "we'll be married in one week." 

He embraced her happily, "oh Katarina! What wonderful news. I am very happy for you." 

She nodded, "I am as well Maestro. We discovered that we're connected in very way and love each other deeply." 

"I wish I could be there," he told her, "to celebrate your special day." 

Kathryn thought about having him attend her wedding since it would be taking place on the holodeck. But, he wouldn't be familiar with their ceremony and most likely would feel out of place. "But, alas," he continued, "I am expected by the king of France next week." She smiled softly, "all my best wishes Katarina." 

Kathryn felt tears spring to her eyes, “you'll be in my heart during the whole thing, Maestro. Perhaps I'll bring him by one day so you can meet him." 

"I would love to," he said. "Can you spend time right now or are you in a rush?" 

Kathryn was about to respond when her commbadge activated, "Neelix to Captain Janeway."

She sighed and tapped the commbadge, "yes, Neelix?" 

"Can you come to the messhall?" 

"There a problem?" she asked. 

“No," he replied, "but I do have something I want you to taste for your reception." 

"I thought we decided on the menu?" 

There was a pause, "umm...yes, ma'am. But I think you might find this of particular interest." 

She glanced at the Maestro, "I'll be right there, Janeway out," she sighed looking at da Vinci, "I'm sorry Maestro, but I can't stay." 

"That's okay," he smiled, "come, I'll walk you to the door." She nodded with a smile, hooking her arm with his and headed out. 

=/\=

Kathryn walked out of the turbo-lift and down the corridor to the messhall. She entered finding the lights off, "Neelix?" 

The lights came up with a huge, "surprise!" heard from all the female crewmembers on board. 

Kathryn gasped in surprise as her crew approached her from the other side of the room. She noticed colorful balloons surrounded the room, a table of food and gifts stood in the center. "What's this?" she asked. 

B'Elanna walked over to her with a smile, "this is your bridal shower, Captain." 

"'Bridal shower'?" Kathryn repeated. "I don't know what to say -" 

"-There's nothing too,” B'Elanna said. "We wanted to do this. Far as all of us are concerned, it's about time." 

Kathryn smiled and wrapped her arm around the younger woman squeezing her shoulders gently. “Thank you. So now what?" Then added firmly, “just so you all know, I'm not wearing one of those ridiculous hats with ribbons on it." 

"And spoil our fun?" Sam Wildman asked with a laugh. 

Kathryn shook her head, "oh no -" 

"-Come on!" one of the other female crewmembers said. B'Elanna led Kathryn to a single waiting chair in the middle of the room. 

The next few hours, Kathryn opened her gifts, laughed practically until she cried and nibbled on the food Neelix had set out for them. She wasn't the captain then, but Kathryn and she was so happy it was beyond words. 

Afterward, B'Elanna assisted her with the gifts back to her and Chakotay's quarters. They put the few items on the dining table and B'Elanna left to greet Tom when he got out of his sickbay shift. 

=/\=

Kathryn was tired, but elated from the party. She opened the box that had one of many nightgowns she received that evening. She hoped that she wouldn't be too tired for when Chakotay got off duty. She took the gown and walked through the bedroom and into their bathroom to change and wash her face. 

After, she fitted the silk, pale pink floor length gown over her nude body, the silk was cool against her skin. She padded into the bedroom and pulled down the bedcovers back, slipped into her side of the bed and picked up a padd novel propping herself against her pillow beginning to read. 

Hours later, Chakotay stifled a yawn as he surrendered the bridge to the night shift and headed back down to see Kathryn. The corridors were quiet that late and all he wanted to do was curl up beside his fiancée and fall asleep. 

When he entered their quarters, the lights were low, but he saw the pile of gifts on the dining table. He was curious, he saw a faint light on in their bedroom and headed over. He stopped in the doorway, a soft smile formed as he saw the woman he loved asleep. 

The nightgown, from what he could make of it, was new and obviously a gift. He felt his desire for her awaken, wondering if she kept her promise to him when wearing nightgowns. Her chest rose quietly beneath the simple low cut gown with thin straps. She had fallen asleep reading while waiting for him. 

He quietly entered beginning to undress, while watching her. Once in his boxers, he walked over and pulled the padd gently from her hand. She moaned softly in her sleep. Then carefully, so he didn't disturb her, he slipped beneath the bedcovers beside her, his bare leg touched hers, feeling the silk of the gown. She moaned shifting slightly, her right leg emerging through an obvious slit up the side as it touched his. 

He felt his desire awaken even more, he wondered how long he could pleasure her before she woke up. He propped himself up on an elbow and reached out touching her throat gently. He began to trace her neckline softly, working down to her breasts. She sighed softly, he smiled halting, waiting for her to drift off. She did, he began to trace her breasts over the material, watching her buds rise and tighten beneath the smooth material. 

His passion ignited, he fought to control himself as he continued to trace her gently. His hand slid lower, pushing the bedcover off her and out of the way revealing her leg and slit up the side to her upper thigh. He traced her abdomen, moved lower, first tracing her soft curls and she gasped softly. 

God, she was beautiful. He wasn't sure if she were purposely keeping her eyes closed to enjoy this or she was really asleep. His finger pushed aside the material, finding her bare beneath. That did it for him practically, and he gently touched her womanhood, beginning to caress. She groaned, he knew she had to be awake now, her legs parted enough for him to continue. And she had raised her arms above her head in response. His fingers gently probed her outside, he felt her grow moist to his touch. 

Encouraged he then moved lower and between her legs, placing his mouth on her beginning to explore. She gave a sharp groan of pleasure as he used his tongue to stimulate her bud of nerves, he drank from her as she grew more moist. She whimpered, he smiled loving her even more and she reached down holding his head and running her hands through his hair. 

Her hips moved to him as he held them, their silence were beyond the passion they were feeling now. Except for her occasional moans and sighs, he knew her well and what she enjoyed. 

He couldn't wait much longer and he slid up against her, sliding his boxers down positioning himself between her legs. She slid her legs around his hips as he kissed her deeply and gently. 

She responded wrapping her arms around him and moaned when he joined them deeply, fully into her. He began to move against her as they still kissed absorbing each other. 

Their passion was incredible, they didn't speak as they made love. Her small cries of pleasure emanating from her as he moved deeper into her. She clung to him tightly, arching her back and he supported her hips, bringing her closer. He groaned as her muscles began to clench around him, gripping him tightly. She was very close now and she urged him to move faster and harder by squeezing her thighs around his hips. Probably due to the restrictions of the gown, she couldn't wrap her legs completely around his waist. 

He kissed her throat beginning to move harder and they groaned in unison. Her body shuddered around his and another closely followed even more intense. She clutched him even tighter to her, digging her nails into his back, moaning loudly. He was moving faster, bringing her closer, as well as himself, and then she just cried out arching her back clinging to him, her muscles clamping down on him tightly. He groaned feeling his release, as he spilled his life into her and gasped, burying his face in her neck and hair. She sighed holding him gasping. 

They lay that way for several minutes quietly and he gazed at her. She opened her eyes with a smile, he brushed a lock of hair off her forehead and kissed her gently. She responded as they gazed at each other, "well, hello," she murmured, her voice still husky from the passion. 

"Hello," he said gently. "I love you Kathryn. Very much." 

"Same here," she said softly. He lay beside her, kicking off his boxers and pulled her into his arms. “I guess you liked the nightgown." 

He chuckled softly, “yeah, I did. By the way, what is all that stuff?" 

She sighed, "B'Elanna and the rest of the female crew decided to give me a surprise bridal shower this evening. This was one of several gifts."

"That was nice," he said, feeling his fatigue begin to catch up to him. 

She nodded, “yes it was. But I don't want you peeking to see what else I got."

“I won't," he replied, "I promise."

"And how was Gamma shift?" she asked curiously.

He shrugged with his eyes closed, "uneventful really. Engineering had to remodulate the plasma flow to the engines because an EPS conduit began malfunctioning. But Vorik got to it in time, it's fixed now." 

She sighed, “that's good," and began to drift back to sleep. Gently, he pulled the bedcovers back over them, holding her against his chest and they fell asleep. 

The rest of the week passed quickly, and Harry found a nearby gas giant in an upcoming system to put the ship in orbit for the wedding. Its rings reminded them of Saturn and they were all slightly homesick at the sight of it. 

Due to the nature of the ceremony, Kathryn and Chakotay advised everyone not to wear Starfleet dress, but casual, in earthy colors. Two days before, Chakotay presented Kathryn with her headpiece and bouquet he especially created for her. The headpiece was a crown of white daises with green leaves, laced together with a special wire. There was a place for a veil if she chose to add it. And her bouquet consisted of white lily's, lush greens and tied together with a large satin white ribbon and held with a white bow. 

They brought tears to Kathryn's eyes at his gifts, she embraced him happily and kissed him, despite the nerves she was feeling. He held her, knowing she was nervous and soothed her when she began to cry softly. They were tears of joy, that he knew, but understood it was all overwhelming for her, as the moment got closer. So, that evening he held her, keeping her calm, whispering to her. They didn't make love, but fell asleep in each other's arms. 

The eve of the wedding, Chakotay took up temporary residence in his former quarters to prepare himself and to give her time to prepare as well. They had a romantic, candlelit dinner before he kissed her goodnight and left. 

=/\=

Once he left Kathryn for that final night, he sat in his partly empty quarters cross-legged with his medicine bundle open before him, clutching his amulet as he contacted his father. "...Speak to me father, speak to me in my dreams..." he summoned with his eyes closed. 

..."Your joy is evident Chakotay," his father said. 

Chakotay's mind shifted to find his father standing in a field of wildflowers, the forest seen in the distance. He smiled walking over to him, "I'm getting married father." 

"Married Chakotay?" his father said, his joy heard. "Is this your captain you spoke of? Who was having a difficult time separating her duty from her love for you?" 

"Yes," he replied. 

“So, she has found her way," he asked. Chakotay nodded, "I am very happy for you, to find the woman who will bring you such peace and happiness. She will bear you many sons I hope." 

"I hope -" he said with a sigh.

"Does she not want children?" 

"Yes," he replied, "but feels Voyager isn't the place to raise a child, ours. Although we do have another child on board, another woman's that is." 

"You will have children," he said simply, “do not worry Chakotay. Give her time to come around. And, you will make a fine husband to her, just remember to keep her happy and allow her to breathe." 

"I will, father," he replied. 

"My best wishes, Chakotay," his father said, a smile seen on his face... 

...Chakotay opened his eyes, staring into the dim-lit cabin. He smiled gently to himself, gathered his medicine bundle and rose to his feet. He was tired and wanted to sleep for the wedding. 

The morning of the wedding, the ship took orbit of the gas giant. Kathryn still not on leave yet for the honeymoon, dressed in her uniform and went up to the bridge. She had the usual scans start on the planet, just in case there was something there they could use. 

She was calm, amazingly calm now. She could feel Chakotay's love and support from his former quarters, where he was preparing. Satisfied everything was taken care of she sighed, "I'll be in my quarters," she told the senior staff. They all smiled at her, except for Tuvok, but he looked surprisingly pleasant. "I'll see you all on the holodeck," she said. "Commander Tuvok, you have the bridge." 

"Yes, Captain," he said as she headed up to the lift. She stopped at his station, smiled gently patting his hand and then left. 

=/\=

Kathryn stood a few hours later in front of her full-length mirror, observing the sheer, ivory white gown she wore. Its layers of material hung simply from waist to her bare feet. She debated wearing her hair up, but decided to style it her usual way. The bodice of the gown was elegant with capped shoulders, a dropped front that hung in gentle folds to the beginning of her breasts. The sleeves fell in one layer from the shoulder to her wrists. There were small crystals embedded in the shoulders, the wrists and scattered through the skirts.

Neelix had delivered her crown and flowers before she dressed. He wished her luck and told her he'd see her at the ceremony. 

Her door chime rang and she glanced over into the living area. She felt a little nervous and drew in a breath calming. It rang again, she wandered out, picking up the ends of her gown, "come in," she said and began looking for the white, satin slippers she designed for the gown. 

B'Elanna entered with Seven, both dressed in ivory gowns as well, but instead of the dropped folds in the bodice, there was a satin rounded front, with crystals embedded. Seven's hair was still wound up behind her head, but Kathryn thought she looked lovely. 

"Captain, you look beautiful," B'Elanna said. 

"Please, call me Kathryn," she said. She glanced at Seven, "you look lovely Seven." 

"Thank you, Captain," she replied coolly, and shrugged a shoulder. "I do find this clothing a bit disconcerting however." 

"It's only for a few hours," she told her. Her door chime rang again, "come in," and they slid open to reveal Naomi with Sam Wildman. Naomi was dressed in a pale pink satin gown with a ribbon and bow on her back. A crown of red rose buds and baby breaths sat on her head, the color bringing out her red hair. She also carried a tiny woven basket. Sam was dressed simply in a white cotton dress with pale flowers embroidered on the bodice and hem. Her hair was down and tied back with a white cloth. Kathryn smiled at the child, "why Ms. Wildman, you look very pretty." 

"You look beautiful, Captain," Naomi said simply. Kathryn felt her face flush, "see," she indicated to her crown and basket. "Commander Chakotay made these for me.”

"I noticed his handiwork," Kathryn said. She groaned, "help me look for my shoes please," and began searching the cabin. 

"What do they look like?" 

"Their white," she replied simply. 

Naomi gazed around, she stepped over to one of Chakotay's armchairs and pulled out the two satin shoes from the side. "Are these it?" 

Kathryn turned, "yes! Where were they?" Naomi pointed, she smirked realizing Chakotay's joke on her part. She sighed, "if I didn't love that man so much -" and caught everyone looking at her. "He'll get his!" 

They all laughed, except Seven, who stood impassively. "Well, we've got 45 minutes until the ceremony," B'Elanna sighed. "We should relax or finish prepping. Kathryn, shall I help you with your crown?" 

"Please," she said, trying not to let some of her nerves show. They were of excitement and love for the man who waited to take her as his wife next door. She walked over to the table after slipping on the shoes and picked up the crown, she held it staring at it. 

B'Elanna walked over to her, "it's beautiful. Chakotay made it?" She nodded, "you both will be very happy, I know. He's right now." 

Kathryn sighed, “I know -" and shuddered. 

B'Elanna touched her arm gently, "bride's jitters. Even I had them," she said gently. 

Kathryn couldn't help but laugh, "you? B'Elanna Torres, nervous?" 

She smirked, "don't tell Tom –“ 

“-Don't tell Chakotay," Kathryn said smiling 

"I won't!" she said. "Now sit down and relax," Kathryn did at the table. B'Elanna ended up having Kathryn pin her hair up into a neat twist in the back of her head because the crown didn't work with her regular hairstyle. 

Naomi in turn, helped Seven bring down her hair and arrange it around her shoulders. 

=/\=

Chakotay sat cross-legged in the middle of the floor with his eyes closed. He sat focusing on his breathing, trying not to let any anxiety get to him. He was already dressed for the wedding, in white suede trousers, white linen shirt and an ivory vest with stitched design along the lapels. 

His hearing picked up some of Kathryn's laughter from their quarters, and he also heard B'Elanna. He was excited this day had finally arrived and couldn't wait to see her. 

Since Tom and Harry were standing up for him, he requested that they meet him outside the holodeck before the ceremony, so he could have time to prepare. When it was time, he rose slowly to his feet, which had white moccasins he had stitched together himself for this special day. 

He sighed and said, "computer, locate Captain Janeway," the last thing he wanted to do was run into her in one of the corridors on the way to the holodeck. 

"Captain Janeway," it replied, "is in her quarters."

With that news, he sighed and walked out, briefly stopping outside their quarters and heard more laughter, he smiled. At least she was relaxed. He then walked down the corridor to a turbo-lift. 

=/\=

When he arrived, Tom and Harry were waiting for him. Both dressed in beige shirts and trousers. They spotted him, "nervous?" Tom asked him.

He shook his head, "no. Do you have the rings?" 

"Right here," Tom said, patting a side pocket. "Any second thoughts?" 

Chakotay sighed with a smile, "not one. I've waited a long time for this."

"Well, the crew is all inside," Harry said. "We're just waiting for Tuvok."

“I am here," Tuvok said calmly, they turned watching him approach. He wore his off-white, woolen ceremonial Vulcan robe. He stopped next to them, his eyes locked with Chakotay's, "I wish you and the Captain lots of happiness, Commander." 

"Thank you Tuvok,” Chakotay said. He sighed, “well, we'd better go in." 

=/\=

When Kathryn, B'Elanna, Seven and Naomi arrived outside the holodeck shortly later, she was calm and very happy. "Remember," she told them, "every three beats take a step." The holodeck doors slid open and Neelix appeared dressed in a heavy, brocaded beige outfit. 

"Captain you look stunning," he said smiling. He looked at B'Elanna, "everyone ready?" 

"As ever," Kathryn replied. "Seven your first, B'Elanna and then Naomi." She could hear the steady beat of a drum in the distance. Neelix nodded and walked back in, Seven stood at the threshold and counted, then entered. B'Elanna smiled at her and entered as well. Naomi stood waiting, flower petals ready. 

Kathryn stood holding the bouquet, remembering the past seven years. She remembered first meeting Chakotay, their relationship still new, working out the trust they could find in each other. Their friendship after their first month in the Delta Quadrant and the first time she fell in love with him, on New Earth. The denial of her love for so long afterwards, how their friendship was tested time and again when she allianced with the Borg, went after Ransom, his mutiny attempt tears formed in the corners of her eyes. Their love had endured and now it was time to bring it all full circle. 

She wiped the corners of her eyes and heard the downbeat of the drum, she slowly entered. The forest of New Earth sat before her, she gasped at the recreation, the memories flooding back. There was a path, and she walked down it slowly, through the short brush, which opened to a clearing. Her crew waited for her, surrounding Chakotay in two circles. An opening remained for her and their eyes locked, they smiled. 

Chakotay thought she looked beautiful, more ever at that moment. The happiness seen in her eyes and face was evident. Kathryn entered the circle, and it closed behind her. She walked up to him, "you look beautiful, my love," he told her tenderly. 

"So do you," she whispered, and he extended his arm straight out to her, she reached out grasping his elbow, he gently held hers, their gaze locked. Tuvok entered the circle. 

"We have gathered here today," he said, "to witness the joining of two hearts. The hearts of Kathryn and Chakotay.” The beat of the drum started again, and both stepped forward to it, walking the perimeter of the circle as Tuvok spoke. "As it was in the beginning and will be in the end, these two hearts will now share one, never parted." Their arms were now hooked as they completed the circle, coming back to Tuvok. "They will be blessed with many wise spirits who will help them prepare the family they will raise." Kathryn looked at Chakotay, he smiled tenderly at her. "We are far from the bones of our people, and we ask on this day of joy and happiness, that all our loved ones of past celebrate." The circle opened again, admitting Harry and Tom beside Chakotay. “We, of the starship Voyager, a community and family are here to watch Kathryn and Chakotay exchange their vows." He nodded to Kathryn. 

She turned to Chakotay, they held hands, "when we first met, we were enemies. Circumstance brought us together, we were friends, good friends. Then love entered my life," a tear slipped down her face, he reached out stroking it gently away. She sighed and went on, "I denied that love, letting protocol stand in the way. But your love prevailed and I realized just how lucky I was to have found a man who had such peace, good and compassion within his soul, a gentle spirit. When you first proposed I was in shock, me a starship captain get married? Then I discovered while you were gone, circumstance again had forced me to make a decision, one that almost tore us apart. Now we will no longer be apart, but together for the rest of our lives." The tears flowed freely, "I love you Chakotay, with all my heart and spirit." 

He was nearly choked up with emotion himself, he smiled gently at her and squeezed her hands gently. “Kathryn, before I met you my life had no meaning, not even with the Maquis. I had an emptiness in me that couldn't be filled, not with fighting or destroying a Cardassian munitions deposit. I fell in love with you when I first saw you on my viewscreen and when circumstance brought us together, it seemed like destiny. I vowed to support you and be by your side then and I promise to always remain there." She still cried, but smiled lovingly at him, "you've made my life complete, filled that emptiness with friendship and love. Our circumstance allowed us to meet, get to know each other and fall in love. You are my best friend, my lover and my Captain. I love you with all my heart and soul. Becoming my wife today has made me the happiest man alive." 

Various crewmembers were moved by their command team's marriage vows to each other, some were crying, other's hid it well. 

"Kathryn and Chakotay," Tuvok said, "have pledged their love to each other." He glanced at Tom, "Mr. Paris, the rings," and Tom produced them from his pocket and into his palm. He took them between two fingers and formed a double interlocking circle. He held them up, “these rings represent your love for each other and the joining of your hearts. The sun, the sky and the stars bless them. Accept these rings as a commitment to each other." He handed one to Kathryn, she took it placing it on the tip of Chakotay's right middle finger. "Repeat after me. I, Kathryn Janeway-" 

She swallowed saying firmly amidst her tears, "-I, Kathryn Janeway –” 

"-Accept this ring as proof of your love," Tuvok said, "and support for all the days of my life." 

She repeated, “accept this ring as proof of your love and support for all the days of my life." She slid the ring down to the base of his finger. 

Tuvok handed the other ring to Chakotay, he took it placing it on the tip of her right middle finger. He repeated the same verse Kathryn recited, except use used his own name and slipped the ring down to the base of her finger. They grasped hands tightly, “with the vows and rings exchanged, this ceremony is concluded and I now pronounce you husband and wife." Then paused for a moment. 

Kathryn and Chakotay stared at each other waiting, Tom and Harry glanced at Tuvok, wondering when he was going to finish. Both Kathryn and Chakotay looked as if they were going to explode before the kiss was announced. 

"Tuvok!" Tom whispered. 

"Get on with it!" Harry added. 

Kathryn stared up at her husband, he stared at her. Her love shone through her eyes, she felt radiant. Chakotay felt as if they were suspended in time, the only person in the entire galaxy was Kathryn. He reached out stroking the side of her face tenderly. 

Tuvok sighed, "you may now kiss the bride," and Chakotay lifted Kathryn's chin and leaned down kissing her gently. She responded wrapping her arms around him as his went around her. They clung to each other, the crew applauded happily and Kathryn embraced him tightly, putting her face against his shoulder, and he stroked her neck. Tuvok held up his hand, everyone quieted, "to complete the joining, it is Chakotay's tribe's tradition to have all friends and family join hands and complete one circle around them." 

Everyone did once Harry, Tom, Naomi and B'Elanna joined the inner circle next to Seven. The inner walked clockwise and the outside walked counter-clockwise. Once done, they let go waiting. 

"I believe a celebration is in order," Tuvok said. "Please congratulate them appropriately." 

Before Kathryn and Chakotay knew it, their friends converged upon them offering embraces and handshakes. Within several minutes, Neelix began ushering everyone out to the other holodeck for the reception and to give Kathryn and Chakotay time alone. Once they were, he took her back in his arms gently, “you look beautiful Kathryn. I love you."

“I love you," she said, sliding her hands up his chest. "You look so handsome Chakotay. I can't believe we did it." 

He nodded with a sigh, "well, we did. Are you happy?" 

She slid her arms around his neck and purred, "very, very happy," and he smiled kissing her gently. She responded pressing her body to his and felt herself become warm.

After several minutes they heard, "umm -excuse me, but we have some pictures to take."

Kathryn groaned against Chakotay's mouth, she buried her face in his shoulder, he smiled, "do we really have to?" she asked. 

"You do want memories of this special day?" the Doctor asked. 

Kathryn sighed, “yes, of course." She turned to him with Chakotay's arms wrapped around her still. "Let's not take too long, alright Doctor?" 

He nodded, "of coarse, but you do have a few hours before your honeymoon-” 

Kathryn blushed, we're they that obvious?

"Let's get it over with," she sighed. 

They went through several different poses on the Doctor's suggestions. He obviously had studied up on human wedding photography. Kathryn ended the brief session because she discovered she was hungry and wanted to eat. 

=/\=

The reception was a joyous affair for all. Neelix recreated the riverbank on New Earth to perfection. The yellow pinstripe canopy had two center poles, several tables covered in white tablecloths, lit candles with a bud vase, white and gold china, polished silver and white cloth napkins. The food was laid out in buffet style, the hot food in silver chafing dishes and the cold in glass bowls and silver platters. And of course, the champagne overflowed into the ship's crystal flutes that Kathryn pulled out for special occasions. 

Soft music played and there was room to dance in the center for those who wished. Kathryn and Chakotay mingled with everyone, danced and had the food Neelix prepared. 

They had just finished cutting the cake when Tom tapped a spoon up against his champagne glass, everyone quieted looking over. "As best man, I am obliged to make a speech…” 

Kathryn smirked glancing at Chakotay, "here he goes -" she whispered. He smiled and stroked her face gently. 

Tom raised his glass to them, "seven years ago, I was given a chance to redeem myself of past mistakes by Captain Janeway. She saw something in me I didn't," he sighed, "and although Chakotay and I started out as adversaries, we ended becoming friends after almost three years when we allowed trust in. I found him an excellent first officer and saw the love he had for the captain. He was a gentleman from the beginning and she treated him as a friend. Over the years their love blossomed, despite being at odds with each other many different times, they prevailed." 

He smiled with a wink, "and don't think we didn't notice the flirting." Kathryn laughed softly, burying her head in Chakotay's shoulder, he laughed as well holding her. "We all enjoyed what they have for each other and want to see more of it, despite protocol. You both are an inspiration, especially to B'Elanna and myself. We all love you, care for you deeply and wish you all the happiness the galaxy and the Delta Quadrant can offer. To Kathryn and Chakotay," he raised his glass again and sipped. 

"Kathryn and Chakotay," the rest of the crew said in unison.

Kathryn had tears in her eyes at Tom's eloquent and thoughtful speech. They walked over to him and gave him a warm embrace thanking him. 

When the reception began to wind down, Kathryn had Tom and another crewman carry their wedding gifts to Chakotay's former quarters, within a day or two, they'd take time to open them. 

They sat at a table talking with Tuvok, Harry and B'Elanna since Tom still hadn't returned from bringing the gifts up. Naomi walked up to them, "Captain and Commander, Mom says I have to go and take a nap. It's been an exhausting day." 

Kathryn smiled, "I agree with you Naomi, it has been tiring, but wonderful. I'm happy you took part in our wedding." 

"Thank you for asking," she said and Kathryn embraced her gently. Chakotay patted her shoulder. Naomi turned and walked over to Sam who was waiting for her.

"So, where are you taking your honeymoon?" B'Elanna asked curiously. "Three days off from the bridge for both of you is a treat." 

Chakotay sighed, "I know, but we really haven't decided." 

“You don't plan to stay in your quarters -?" Harry began and everyone glanced at him, B'Elanna grinned. Harry then understood and began to turn a deep scarlet. 

Kathryn laughed, "it's okay Harry, really." 

"I should have picked up on that," Harry said frowning. 

"Forget about it Harry," Chakotay said gently and Harry nodded. He took Kathryn's hand, "besides, if we decide to visit the holodeck, it might be for a sail or something." 

"I can't believe," B'Elanna said, "Megan Delaney caught the bouquet." 

"She looked pleased," said Kathryn smiling and stifled a yawn. 

Chakotay noticed and felt the same way, he was ready to call it a day to spend time alone with Kathryn, since he shared her with everyone for most of the day. Now it was time to make a graceful exit. "Well, I'm beat," he said with a sigh, "weddings can be exhausting, especially your own." Kathryn smiled softly with a nod. 

"Tell me about it," B'Elanna said. 

"So, if everyone doesn't mind," he said beginning to stand. "I'd like to spend a little time with my new wife before I fall asleep." 

"Go ahead," B'Elanna nodded watching Kathryn stand as well. 

"Enjoy yourselves," Kathryn said, "I think Neelix will be around to clean up. Tell him I said its okay to recruit whatever help he needs." 

“Yes, ma'am," B'Elanna said. 

"Goodnight," she said as Chakotay slid his arm around her waist and they walked out. 

She had her head on his shoulder and her arm around his waist. 

They watched them leave, after a moment Harry sighed, "they really look good together." He looked at Tuvok across from him, "Tuvok if we make it home, what do you think Starfleet will do?" 

"Considering they were married under," he replied, 'the Commander's laws and not the federation, Starfleet won't recognize it. The commander's tribe signed away their federation citizenship on Dorvan Five to the Cardassians, thus making their marriage unofficial." 

"Smart move," B'Elanna commented. 

"Indeed," Tuvok agreed. 

Tom entered the canopy, he looked around, "where'd they go?" 

"To relax," Harry said as Tom came over and sat down next to B'Elanna. 

“Well, you missed Harry," B'Elanna said grinning, "thoroughly embarrassing himself in front of them when we talked about the type of honeymoon they've planned." 

"What?" Tom asked curious. "What'd you say Harry?" 

"Forget it," Harry said glancing away. 

"Oh, it had to be good," Tom grinned. "Tell me." 

"I should leave,” Harry said starting to stand. 

B'Elanna reached out grabbing his arm, "oh no, you don't!" He sat back down with a groan. She sighed, "he just made a comment about them spending their entire three days in their quarters," and began to laugh. 

Tom grinned, "I can't believe I missed that!" 

"Hey, I got the idea!" Harry said defensively. "I just wish I kept it to myself." Tom and B'Elanna laughed while Tuvok raised an eyebrow. 

=/\=

When Kathryn and Chakotay arrived at their quarters, both began to laugh. Their doorway had red and white paper trimmings around it, a sign posted over it that said, "Just Married" and on the other side, "Do Not Disturb For Three Days." 

Both said together, "Tom!" partly in shock and amusement. 

She glanced at him, "are we that obvious when we make love?" 

He shrugged smiling, "apparently," and pulled her into his arms. "But I don't care," and kissed her neck gently.

She laughed wrapping her arms around him, happier than she had been in years. He lifted her up into his arms, they stared at each other. "I love you,” she whispered. 

"I love you," he said and walked into their quarters for the first time as husband and wife. The doors slid closed behind them, he said, “computer, engage privacy lock." He kissed her gently, she responded and then he kissed her face and throat gently, she tilted back her head when he kissed her throat. He whispered, "do you need help with that dress?" 

She sighed and lifted her head staring at him, "I can manage," he lowered her to her feet. 

She reached up cupping the side of his face gently, "be patient," he kissed her hand. "I've got a few things to do, you must as well." 

He nodded, “yes." 

"I'll be in the bathroom," she said and kicked off her shoes. She headed towards the bedroom and said over her shoulder, "oh, by the way, thanks for putting my shoes where I'd find them." 

It took a moment before Chakotay realized what she'd said. He began to chuckle softly at her joke and walked into their bedroom beginning to change. 

Almost an hour later, he sat on the bed in his boxers with his head against a pillow. He rested while waiting for her, but she seemed to be taking quite a long time. He was almost asleep. 

He sighed lifting his head, "Kathryn?" he said curious. "Are you ever coming out?" 

“Coming," she said from inside, he sighed again. A second later the doors slid open and he watched her appear in the doorway dressed in a white satin, floor length nightgown with a round bodice and thin straps. She leaned against the doorjamb, her hair surrounded her again and she folded her arms across her chest. "You’re still awake? I'd thought you'd be asleep by now," she said seductively with a soft smile. 

He smiled at her, she looked beautiful and radiant still. "Me? Never, I had to wait for you." He held out his hands to her, she pushed herself off the wall and walked over to his side taking his hands. “Your so beautiful, my love. Today was a dream come true." 

She nodded, "yes it was," and sat beside him on the bed. "I've never been happier." He then lifted her, pulling her across his legs, bringing her head level with his. 

He took her face in his hands gently, caressing the side of her face. They stared at each other, she reached up doing the same to him, tracing his tattoo. "I never thought this day would happen when we first met," he whispered tenderly. “You were so beautiful and still are. I never thought you'd love me back." 

"I've always loved you," she whispered, "since New Earth. I love you Chakotay, forever and always." 

"Kathryn," he said and she kissed his forehead gently, and then trailed kisses down to his eyes and temples. He slid his fingers into her hair gently, "I love you," and she kissed him gently. He responded as her mouth opened and their tongues meshed gently and lovingly. 

He slid a hand down her neck further finding the gown was low cut. Her skin was smooth and warm. He slipped his hand inside by her waist and found her bare, just the way he loved it. Her skin shivered under his touch and she gasped softly. He then held her, laying her against the bed and he lay alongside her. 

She slid her hands down his back gently and into his boxer shorts. He groaned against her mouth as her hands began to caress his buttocks. Then he gazed down at her, "Kathryn, my wife," he whispered tenderly. "My beautiful wife, I love you so much." 

"My husband," she whispered lovingly, "Chakotay. I love you. Make love to me." 

He slid his hand down to a breast and cupped it over the smooth material. She sighed arching her back, "I plan to, my love," his thumb caressed the bud and it rose tightly beneath. He felt himself become aroused and kissed her deeply, pressing part of his body against her. He slid his hand lower to her hips and trailed across and down to her womanhood. He began to stroke her over the material, she groaned into his mouth, her leg bent up and hips shifted beneath his hand. 

He took some of the material in his hand and gently began to pull it up. She lifted her hips as the gown was pulled over them and her waist. His hand touched her swollen nub again and she cried out when he began to caress. She was already moist and opened her legs to his hand, allowing him better access. He found how swollen her bud was already and he touched, she clutched him tightly. 

He began to kiss her face and throat tenderly as she arched her back into his arms with a moan of pleasure. He sat her up pulling the gown over her head and tossed it to the floor. Then removed his boxers tossing them, she saw how hard he had become and became more aroused. 

The first time making love as a married couple was exciting for her. She ached for him and kissed him deeply, pulling him down against her. 

He felt her urgency, but wanted to take his time now that they were married. Her hand slid down to his hip and he groaned when she took his hardened member in her hand and began to stroke. "Kathryn –“ he moaned kissing her. "Wait!" 

"I don't want to," she replied, her voice husky with passion. "I want you -" 

He gazed at her and took her hands with his, “I want you to, my love, but I want us to take our time –“ 

"-We're married now," she told him, “We have all the time in the world Chakotay." She rolled over onto him kissing him deeply, he slid his arms around her as she pressed her body against his. She caressed his sides and began to kiss his face and worked lower, placing deep kisses on him. He ran his hands through her hair as she trailed them lower and began to stroke him again. He groaned letting her as she explored him, he felt his ache building and he gasped. She was beautiful and aggressive in her lovemaking when she wanted him. She returned to his mouth kissing him again, their tongues meshing again, and she gazed at him. "Do you really want to take your time now?" 

He stared up at her taking her face in his hands, the passion and love seen in her eyes. "I guess not," he replied and rolled over onto her. She slid her legs around his hips and cried out when he took a hard bud in his mouth beginning to savor. She held him as he savored each one gently and she arched her back, pressing his hard member against her. He groaned and kissed her again, his need for her was too great. He positioned himself and slowly joined them, they both groaned in the love and pleasure. "I love you," he said and began to move against her. 

Kathryn urged him deeper and harder, but he held back taking his time. She lifted her hips to match his as she clung to him. She gasped in the pleasure as the ache built she wanted to feel him all the way. "Don't stop, please," he kissed her again and held her hips tighter to his. She wrapped her legs higher around his waist and he begun to move harder and deeper. 

They kissed again and she felt her body shudder, she dug her nails into his back. Her muscles clenched him drawing him closer. He kissed her neck and throat as she ran her hands through his hair and felt the ache build even more. Her body shuddered violently, she cried out gasping. 

The pleasure coursed through them and he began to move faster against her. Her hips met his as he held them burying his face in her neck groaning. She clung to him and felt her body shudder even deeper and more intense. She cried out beginning to scream as he began to pound deeper and harder into her. 

Her screams filled his soul, he loved her and whimpered. She felt her body shudder violently, she screamed arching her back as it traveled to each of her nerve endings. She clutched him, the tears spilled down her face with such joy and happiness. 

He felt her muscles clench him tightly and he felt his release. Groaning, his life spilled into her as he collapsed against her gasping. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her neck gently, then gazed at her, his hand stroked her face as she stared up at him. "Your so beautiful, my wife, my love." He kissed her gently, she responded and held him. Then they embraced gently, he lay beside her taking her with him. She curled against him as he stroked her back gently. 

She kissed his chest closing her eyes and sighed, “I can't believe we did it. We actually got married, I never thought this day would happen." 

"Believe it," he said gently. "We have the rings on to prove it.” 

She nodded and opened her eyes holding out her hand gazing at the gold band on her finger. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" 

He smiled and kissed the top of her head, “yes, it is." He reached out matching his hand with hers, their rings shone against the starlight and dim lighting in the room. He took her hand in his and drew it up to his mouth kissing it, she glanced up at him with a smile. "I love you Kathryn.”

"I love you Chakotay," she said and yawned. "It's been a long and beautiful day. What time is it?" 

He glanced at the chronometer, "only 1900. Everyone is either in the messhall or back on duty." 

She laughed, “the messhall? After that feast that Neelix prepared? I don't think I can look at food for another three days!"

"We can try," he suggested and she propped herself on his chest looking at him. He stroked her face, “we’ve can survive on making love for these next few days." 

She smiled at him, "hmmm...that would be interesting. But, I'll most likely be starved by morning. Besides," she sighed, "I've got Neelix sending some special meals to us through the replicator tomorrow." 

“Tomorrow sounds better," he said, feeling sleep start to catch up to him. She kissed him gently and pulled away, "where you going?" 

She stood up and pulled down the bedcovers and slipped in beside him. He wrapped his arm around her as she snuggled against him and the warmth surrounded them. "I think I'm sleepy." 

“So am I," he said softly as they closed his eyes. "I love you Kathryn." 

“I love you," she whispered and they slept together for the first time as husband and wife. 

For their next three days off, Kathryn and Chakotay spent time making love, talking and reading love poems to each other as she curled against him on the sofa or the bed. They were not disturbed by anyone on the crew, because Tuvok let the ship stay in orbit of the gas giant. He didn't want to leave orbit and run into problems, which would cut their honeymoon short. They needed the time to be together and it also gave time for the crew to relax before the honeymoon ended. 

When it came time for them to return to duty, he made love to her in the shower early that morning. She clung to him crying out his name and afterwards, while she did her hair and makeup, he shaved and brushed his hair. 

She walked up behind him dressed in her uniform trousers and tankshirt wrapping her arms around his waist resting her head against his bare back. She sighed, "a part of me wishes we didn't have to go back." 

He put down his razor, took a towel patting his face dry. He turned taking her in his arms, "I know, so do I. But we have a job to do and most likely the crew is revving to get back underway again. We can't make them wait forever." 

She nodded, "I know. These last few days have been wonderful and I wish it didn't have to end." 

"The honeymoon will never end," he said gently. "It doesn't have to." He touched her chin tenderly. "We'll always be on our honeymoon Kathryn. Life with you is a honeymoon." 

She smiled reaching up cupping the side of his face, "I'm so happy we did this Chakotay." 

He kissed her hand gently, "so am I." They stared at each other, he sighed, "let me finish so we won't be late." 

"Good point," she said and pulled away walking into the bedroom and made the bed. Once done, she sat down putting her boots on and then her turtleneck. He came out just as she was pulling on her jacket, "almost ready?" 

He nodded walking over to his closet pulling out a turtleneck and jacket. He put them on and slipped on his boots, which sat right in front. “Ready?" he walked over to her taking her hand. "You look beautiful Kathryn." 

"That's because of you," she said softly.

He took her chin and kissed her gently, "I love you," she smiled and hooked her arm with his and they walked out. 

=/\=

When they arrived on the bridge, the rest of the senior staff was present. They all stood on the command level waiting and smiling as they stepped off the lift. Everyone began to applaud and they smiled walking up to the railing. 

"What's going on?" she asked curiously.

"Well," Tom said, “we were all hoping you'd actually come up for air. It's good to see that you both did." 

Kathryn fought a laugh, she said firmly, "very funny Mr. Paris. Would you like to lose that new pip of yours?" She and Chakotay stepped down to the portside and up to the command level. "I think we have work to do everyone. I want a full status report, department reports and anything else that might have occurred while we were gone." 

Everyone returned to their stations, Kathryn and Chakotay took their seats, Chakotay opened the command display. She sighed glancing over at him, he smiled at her and began requesting reports from all departments. 

"Mr. Paris," she said, "take us out of orbit and plot a course for home." 

Tom nodded inputting the commands, "aye, Captain." 

The ship left standard orbit and the warp engines engaged pointing them back to the Alpha Quadrant. The crew returned to work with two happily married commanding officers leading the way. 

END

Feedback Would Be Appreciated!!


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